Ep. 22: Windy Sex, Safe One-Night Stands and Sex Post Pregnancy

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’m a 43-year-old woman, happily married for nearly 20 years, with tween-aged children. My husband and I have always maintained a healthy sex life (even if it is a bit vanilla most of the time) The past few years we have scheduled sex, and usually average once or twice a week. But for some unknown reason, both our libidos have disappeared. We both just don’t feel like sex at all. It’s been 2 months! There has been no change to our lives, diet, or health. What can we do to get our mojo back? Why has our sex drive disappeared so suddenly? What can we do to want to feel like it again?2) My partner and I are feisty and argue a lot. It takes me a while to recover from an argument—I need time to calm down and reconnect with her. She gets over things quickly and wants to have sex the second things are okay again. She says having sex is the quickest way to get ‘normal’ again, but I don’t want it until the emotional connection is back. How do we fix this?3) I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and we have a child. He is open to the idea of opening up our relationship to explore sex, both together and individually. We haven't done it yet, but how do I know it won't massively strain our relationship? We are so open, and we talk about sex and fantasies all the time to help boost our sex life. But when push comes to shove, how can I be sure opening up our relationship won't complicate and ruin things?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

18 Loka 202323min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I was in a relationship for 10 years and the sex was never great, but I felt safe and supported and in a lot of ways, I loved my life. We were both each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend, but we barely had sex and I didn't feel desired. On the rare occasions we did, he’d lose his erection. I tried to get him to feel comfortable talking about sex and be more interested in it, but it felt more like a brother and sister relationship. After three years of therapy, I decided I wanted more and ended the marriage. I have been successfully dating since then, been having great sex, and even tried sex clubs. But I haven't felt the same safety and security in a relationship since. I had great sex with one guy and the chemistry was off the charts, but he wasn't very nice to me. I’m now worried I ended it with my husband looking for a fantasy. Can you have great sex and great friendship in a relationship? Or, is there always a sacrifice? Should I have tried harder to get him interested in sex? My ex-husband is getting married again so he must have sorted things out with his new partner. 2) I’m a 29-year-old virgin. It’s not for religious reasons, and I’m not waiting for marriage. Sex just didn’t feel right for me growing up, but now I feel like the pressure is mounting as I get older. I’m worried what a future partner or fling will say. Will they find my inexperience unsexy? How should I handle the situation, and what advice can you give me to prepare?3) My daughter is 16. We're very close, and I've always been very open with her about sex. She's never expressed a romantic or sexual interest in anyone until last week when she told me she's "not straight" and has a crush on a girl at school. I'm actually relieved that she is having normal teenage feelings. My question is how, as a straight woman, to best support her and continue to educate her about sex in the coming years? What conversations might we need to have that are particular to her sexuality? Should I seek out a gay woman for her to confide in? To be clear, she has not expressed any need for additional support. I'm just a mum trying to be prepared.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

11 Loka 202328min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) How long should you wait to have sex? I’ve been seeing someone for nearly two months and we still haven't had sex. We've talked about it, but it feels like she’s trying to long kick the conversation. The intimacy is great, but I would have hoped for some oral at least? It does feel like she’s not as interested in sex as I am. 2) I have been very happily married to my best friend for almost 35 years and raised four awesome kids. We have always had a great sex life. My husband has struggled with ED (Erectile Dysfunction) for the last 15 years. He's not able to take Viagra for health reasons. Instead they gave him Tri-Mix, an injection that produces erections that last 3 to 4 hours. So does he! He's very attentive to my needs, but I can’t go that long. What’s worse is because he's found this new game changer, he wants to have sex every other day. The spontaneity has gone, and I am now dreading sex with him. It feels scheduled and mechanical. I miss the days of the ‘slow work up’ to love making, knowing my many talents are working on him. I am finding myself flirting with other men and fantasizing about them. Please help!3) We have great sex that’s very passionate and fulfilling and have been together 11 years. We’ve also had over 12 breakups and makeups. We’ve never lived together—not my choice. Do you have advice on how to build a solid relationship? We’re a straight couple and both 58.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

6 Syys 202324min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’m in my 50s and have been with my husband for 20 years. We’ve reached a point where we have a good life together, but he’s not interested in sex anymore. I look after myself and have been getting attention from a couple of guys at my gym—one going as far as sexting messages which I've found extremely flattering, arousing, and exciting. Is it bad to continue enjoying this? While I know my husband would not approve, I’m getting a huge confidence boost and fun from it.2) Is it bad if most of the sex you have doesn’t last very long? My wife and I have young kids and demanding jobs and try to make time for sex, but it’s not easy. We end up mostly having quickies. I don’t mind because I always climax, but how can we make them more satisfying for her?3) I’ve just met someone I really like after 12 years of being single. Just one problem: his penis is too big for me. It’s not the length—it’s too wide. I can just about accommodate him side by side. Any tips on how to handle this? He said he’s had this problem with every person he’s been with. To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

30 Elo 202320min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’ve been with my partner for 13 years and recently found out he’s been having sex with a woman he works with. It’s over now and we’re having therapy, but we haven’t had sex since I found out six months ago. I can’t even think about sex. Every time I do, I imagine the two of them together and it makes me feel sick to the stomach. How long will this last? Will I ever be able to enjoy sex again?2) My question is about penetrative orgasms. We do what you guys talk about—my boyfriend gives me an orgasm first through oral sex—but I’d like to at least attempt to have one through intercourse. Any suggestions on how to do that? I know woman on top is the favored position, but is there anything I should be doing to up my chances of it resulting in an orgasm for me?3) My partner and I have been dating for two years. We're deeply in love and the relationship and the sex are great. We are very physical and love long cuddle sessions. But we have very different needs after sex: he wants to cuddle, and I just want to sleep or get on with my day. We had a big fight about this recently: he feels "used" and needs a long post-sex physical connection. I deeply love him and want to fulfill his needs, but find it hard to cuddle post-orgasm. I almost feel a repelling force as if as a switch turned in my brain. Post-orgasm, I suddenly notice all the sweat, stickiness, dirty sheets, and don't want to be touched. If it's in the morning, I suddenly realize that I have a lot of work to do and feel time pressure. I’m not that into morning sex, for exactly that reason. He really likes it and wants to do it more often. What can we do to find a compromise? Is it normal to find cuddling repellent after sex for some people? Can I train myself to get used to it (I really don't like it)?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

23 Elo 202325min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’m in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend and we have great sex, but I have sex dreams about other men weekly. What could this mean?2) I am in my early 50's and became perimenopausal in my late 40's. My husband and I have been together for 25 years. Sex was always okay, but because of my lack of desire and sex being painful, we have not had intercourse for almost 4 years. I will give him an occasional hand job, but that's about it. I feel bad because I know how badly he wants sex, but it's just not there for me. So here’s my question: Would it be wrong for me to suggest he get a massage at one of those happy-ending places? I'm not sure how I feel about it, but if it's just a release he needs and there are no strings attached, the risk seems very low to me, assuming it doesn't lead to anything more. I know that he masturbates often, but it's different and I'd like to offer him some type of alternative that doesn't include me. I'm sure this sounds so horrible but I am honestly conflicted and could use your expert advice.3) I’ve never had more than one orgasm in a session and would like to try. Can you tell me how to have multiple orgasms and explain what they are? Is it one long orgasm, or are they quite separate?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

16 Elo 202322min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My kids are about to fly the nest and it’s just going to be my husband and me. We get on really well, but I know this will mean he will want sex more often. I used to enjoy sex, but now I find I can take it or leave it. It doesn’t really excite me anymore, and I’m not sure why. How can I get myself more interested?2) My husband spent a month cross-dressing. He says he’s never going to do it again as I was so upset, and had never done it previously. Since then, I’ve noticed that when he is shopping for male clothes, he gets an erection. I’m confused about what this all means.3) I’m 37 and my partner is 32. We love your podcast and enjoy sex, but want to up the excitement level. We’ve started making a sex bucket list of all the things we’d like to try, and wondered if you had any thoughts on which aren’t worth wasting our time on and which are?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9 Elo 202330min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) We’re a married couple—I’m 35 and my wife is 32—and love listening to your podcast. No kids yet. We enjoy sex, but only have it once a week. We try to do it more, but we’re busy and it never happens. We were talking about sex with a group of close friends and they all said they have sex three times a week minimum. It’s made us feel ashamed and like something is wrong, even though we are really happy with our sex life. What are your thoughts?2) I’m 35, I’ve had multiple relationships, but I have forever seen sex as a male-focused experience, never seeking pleasure for myself. My goodness has your podcast made me change my thoughts about sex! I wish I had this to listened to in my late teens! I have only ever orgasmed on my own, watching porn and using a clitoral vibrator. My aim is to orgasm with my partner (of 7 years), and you have given me the confidence to focus on this. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to do this without porn. Do you have any tips on where to start? 3) My husband snores so loudly, it makes sleep almost impossible for me. I’ve tried everything: ear plugs, playing white noise, trying to get him on his side. Nothing works. I feel resentful and irritable from lack of sleep. We have a spare room and, to me, the obvious solution is to sleep in separate rooms, but he won’t hear of it. He says we will end up having sex even less than we do and that it will ruin our marriage. Is he right?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

2 Elo 202325min