The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’
The Daily30 Apr 2023

The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’

In January 2022, Randi Schofield was a 34-year-old single mother who, not long before, left her full-time job of eight years as a personal bailiff to a local judge. She pulled $30,000 from her retirement savings and was planning to give herself all of 2022 to expand the small catering business she had always dreamed about. This would be the year she bet on herself. Then, that month, she received the news that medics were pulling her father out of his car.

The collision splintered the bone in his left thigh down to his knee; three days later, a metal rod held the broken pieces together. Until his leg recovered from the surgery, he would not be able to walk without assistance. In hindsight, there were warning signs that her father’s health could upend Schofield’s life. But he was also youthful and spirited, and it was easy to believe that everything was fine, that he was fine and that if she were to take care of him some day, it would be occasional and in a distant future. She didn’t see this day coming the way it did, so abruptly and so soon.

Increasing numbers of adult children are taking care of their parents, often shouldering the burden with no pay and little outside help — making their meals, helping them shower, bandaging their wounds and holding them up before they can fall. The social-work scholar Dorothy A. Miller once described this as the “peculiar position” in the modern American nuclear family, between the care people give to their aging parents and to their children. Today’s “sandwich generation” is younger than the version Miller described four decades ago, but it faces the same “unique set of unshared stresses” that she warned of then: acute financial strain, a lack of reciprocated support and “fatigue from fulfilling the demands of too many roles.”

This story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publications like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Episoder(2697)

Monday, Aug. 21,  2017

Monday, Aug. 21, 2017

Will Stephen K. Bannon use his return to Breitbart News, a right-wing megaphone, to help the president who dismissed him — or to hurt him? And where can he exert more political power: at Breitbart or in the White House? Guest: Jeremy W. Peters, a reporter in the Washington bureau who has covered the so-called alt-right. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

21 Aug 201719min

Special Edition: The Fall of Steve Bannon

Special Edition: The Fall of Steve Bannon

After a week in which the president bolstered white nationalists, why did he end it by getting rid of Stephen K. Bannon, the crusader in the White House for the so-called alt-right? Guest: Maggie Haberman, who covers the White House. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

18 Aug 201716min

Friday, Aug. 18,  2017

Friday, Aug. 18, 2017

They posted hate speech and Hitler emojis. They also organized a rally in Charlottesville, Va., connecting several major white supremacy groups for an intimidating display of force. How white supremacists and neo-Nazis used their favorite social networks to craft and propagate their messages — at least until they were barred from the platform. Guest: Kevin Roose, who writes about technology for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

18 Aug 201719min

Thursday, Aug. 17,  2017

Thursday, Aug. 17, 2017

Upset by policies on immigration and climate change and by President Trump’s initial response to the violence in Charlottesville, Va., the leaders of major American companies began to drop one by one from presidential advisory councils. After Mr. Trump again equated far-right hate groups with the groups protesting them, the chief executives moved to cut ties with the president who rose to fame as a businessman. Guest: Andrew Ross Sorkin, a financial columnist for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

17 Aug 201715min

Wednesday, Aug. 16,  2017

Wednesday, Aug. 16, 2017

President Trump defended his initial remarks about the recent violence in Charlottesville, Va., on Tuesday, saying that “both sides” were to blame. Asked if he equated neo-Nazis and white supremacists with activists protesting racism, Mr. Trump said, “I’m not putting anybody on a moral plane.” Guests: Mark Landler, a White House correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

16 Aug 201718min

Tuesday, Aug. 15, 2017

Tuesday, Aug. 15, 2017

In 2012, a woman asked if the city of Charlottesville, Va., should consider removing a statue of a Confederate general from a local park. That question set off a chain of events that led to the deadly violence on Saturday. Also, President Trump, after two days of equivocal remarks about the violence in Charlottesville, made a new statement on Monday: “Racism is evil.” Guests: Kristin Szakos, a city councillor in Charlottesville, Va.; Glenn Thrush, a White House correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

15 Aug 201720min

Monday, Aug. 14, 2017

Monday, Aug. 14, 2017

Protests over a plan to remove a Confederate monument in Charlottesville, Va., spun out of control, leading to clashes that left at least one person dead. President Trump condemned “hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides,” but he did not call out white nationalists or neo-Nazis. Guests: Sheryl Gay Stolberg, domestic affairs correspondent for The New York Times; Glenn Thrush, a White House correspondent. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

14 Aug 201722min

Friday, Aug 11, 2017

Friday, Aug 11, 2017

What happened when the country’s best known weight-loss company realized that people no longer wanted to talk about losing weight. Guest: Taffy Brodesser-Akner, who wrote an article for The New York Times Magazine about evolving American culture through the saga of Weight Watchers. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

11 Aug 201720min

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