I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episoder(524)

Saeed Jones's New Year's Determinations

Saeed Jones's New Year's Determinations

The writer reads an essay about his mom, and explains why she always made New Year's "determinations" instead of "resolutions." We want to hear YOUR determinations! Record a voice memo telling us what you "will" do in 2020, and send it to us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. We'll share them back with the entire Death, Sex & Money community soon. Here's one determination for you: You WILL sign up for our newsletter this year! Do it now by going to deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you behind-the-scenes updates, podcast listening recommendations, and some pretty incredible listener letters from our inbox. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

1 Jan 20208min

Death, Sex & Money's 2019 Year End Spectacular

Death, Sex & Money's 2019 Year End Spectacular

The team reflects together on the best Death, Sex & Money moments of 2019—things you heard on the show, and things you didn't. Donate to Death, Sex & Money before the end of the year, and we'll send you one of our fabulous Maternity Leave Lineup posters, signed by Anna Sale! Plus, you'll be supporting the work we do here at the show, and the community we're building together. Give now at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Des 201933min

Liz Phair's Rebellious Streak Works For Her

Liz Phair's Rebellious Streak Works For Her

The musician on her "run and gun" days in the early '90s, and the two affairs that shaped her adult life. Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Des 201930min

The Children Of Heart Mountain

The Children Of Heart Mountain

At an annual pilgrimage back to a former Japanese American incarceration site, we hear from people reliving complicated childhood memories, and descendants looking for answers. For more about Japanese American incarceration and the language we use to talk about it now, check out this episode from the NPR podcast Code Switch, called "America's Concentration Camps?" Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11 Des 201936min

Cheating Happens

Cheating Happens

There's the cliche: someone cheats, crockery is thrown, lawyers are called. But your stories about cheating were much more varied, with some unpredictable conclusions.  If you like this episode, check out this week's episode of the Aria Code podcast, from our friends at WQXR. It's all about "Dove sono," the aria about infidelity from The Marriage of Figaro, and includes a conversation with sex advice columnist Dan Savage.  Don't miss our weekly newsletter! Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter and we'll send you weekly audio picks, behind the scenes updates and letters from our listener inbox.  Follow the show on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Des 201944min

Anne Lamott: Death Sucks, And It's Holy

Anne Lamott: Death Sucks, And It's Holy

"Your life will be greatly enhanced by spending time with dying people," Anne Lamott says. "Death is not the enemy. Snakes are."  Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

27 Nov 201925min

Hasan Minhaj's Honest Mistakes

Hasan Minhaj's Honest Mistakes

Hasan Minhaj was drawn to comedy because of its "radical honesty." But that hasn't always translated well to his personal life.  Don't miss our weekly newsletter! Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter and we'll send you weekly audio picks, behind the scenes updates and letters from our listener inbox.  Follow the show on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

20 Nov 201934min

Who's Driving Your Uber?

Who's Driving Your Uber?

Domestic violence. The ripples of the financial crisis. A new immigrant's dashed hopes. This is what we heard about two years ago after we asked, "Why'd you start driving for Uber?" Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Nov 201931min

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