A Meditator in the Arena | Sam Harris

For the uninitiated, Joseph Goldstein is one of the cofounders of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) alongside Sharon Salzberg and Jack Kornfield. Since its founding, thousands of people from around the world have come to IMS to learn mindfulness from leaders in the field. In this episode Joseph covers strategies for getting over yourself. Every year, Joseph does a three-month retreat by himself at his home in Massachusetts. This year, he emerged with a bunch of thoughts on what's called "the three proliferating tendencies," or three "prapancas," to use the ancient Pali term. These are three ways in which we perpetuate a sense of self -- not a healthy sense of self, but an unhealthy sense of self. You can think about the process of going deeper in meditation as a process of lightening up or getting less self-centered. Now, you're about to get a master class in doing just that. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/joseph-goldstein-364

14 Jul 20211h 14min

Today's episode is about a Buddhist tool for resolving conflict and keeping your relationships healthy. Today's guest, Kaira Jewel Lingo, was an ordained nun of 15 years in Thich Nhat Hanh's Order of Interbeing, and is now a lay Dharma teacher based on Long Island. She graduated from Stanford University with a B.A. and M.A. in Anthropology and Social Sciences. She's edited a few books by Thich Nhat Hanh, including Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children. In this interview, Kaira Jewel talks about: the Beginning Anew practice (and how even skeptics can see the value in it); how Beginning Anew can strengthen relationships and resolve conflicts; the four steps of the practice; and her own experience with the practice, as both a teacher of it and a practitioner of it. If Kaira Jewel's insights on gratitude within the practice intrigue or inspire you, you might like a fantastic meditation we released recently on the Ten Percent Happier app called "Daily Gratitude Booster" by Matthew Hepburn. It's the perfect way to cultivate a regular practice of gratitude, which, like meditation itself, is a skill that you can improve. Check it out by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app wherever you get your apps (https://10percenthappier.app.link/install) or click the link in our show notes to be taken directly to Matthew's meditation: https://10percenthappier.app.link/DailyGratitudeBooster. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kaira-jewel-lingo-363

12 Jul 202142min

In a previous interview with Dan, the Dalai Lama said something along the lines of, "everyone's selfish; that's the way we're wired. But if you're going to be selfish, you should be wisely selfish." Wise selfishness takes into account the fact that what really makes humans happy is to care for other people. This notion has been a central part of the Buddhist platform for millennia, but is now being borne out in scientific research. Today's guest is Emiliana Simon-Thomas. She is the science director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, where she is a co-instructor of its Science of Happiness online course. In this conversation, Emiliana talks to us about the difference between empathy and compassion, how we can be happier by being more compassionate and connected, what we misunderstand about love, and a more scientific definition for that culturally loaded term. Just to note -- this is a re-run of an older episode we pulled out of our vault for a few reasons: 1) It's summer and we want to give our tireless staff a break; and 2) This is one of our all-time favorite episodes and one that many of our newer listeners may not have heard. For more science-based happiness practices, you can download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/emiliana-simon-thomas-repost

7 Jul 202155min

We've been meaning to tackle our relationship to 'stuff' for a while now. This subject can go deep. It's not just about decluttering (although that can actually be pretty substantial work); it's about rethinking your whole life. Recently we spoke to a pair of gentlemen known as The Minimalists -- whose names are Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus. They're perhaps best known for their documentaries on Netflix: "Minimalism" and "Less is Now". They also have a very popular podcast and have written a series of books. Their latest book, "Love People, Use Things", comes out this month. In this episode, we talk about their powerful and painful personal path to Minimalism; the freedom that they say comes from living with less; how to actually do Minimalism; and the pitfalls of the path. And as a bonus pairing, we've brought back a Ten Percent Happier favorite, Oren Jay Sofer. Oren is a renowned Buddhist teacher who has been meditating for nearly a quarter of a century. As part of his training he spent over two years living with less as a Buddhist renunciate, and he makes a compelling case for bringing minimalism into the mindfulness practice, and for letting go. For more from Oren and other great meditation teachers, download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/the-minimalists-oren-sofer-362

5 Jul 20211h 5min

Today's episode is a deep dive into the male operating system and how it can be upgraded. Today's guest, Daniel Ellenberg, is a psychotherapist, marriage and relationship therapist, author, and facilitator. He has been leading men's groups for over 30 years and is the new sitting president of the American Psychological Association's "Division 51: Society for the Psychological Study of Men & Masculinities." In this conversation, Dr. Ellenberg explains: what masculinity actually means; what prevents men from forming bonds with other men; "traditional masculinity ideology"; why men die earlier than women; the importance of self-compassion for men; and how to be a good role model as a dad, friend, and fellow man. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/daniel-ellenberg-361

30 Jun 20211h 6min

There's a widely held assumption that if you have a warmer, friendlier relationship with yourself, you will not only slack off and be ineffective, but also that you will be a doormat. My guest today says: not true. She's making the case that self-compassion, when properly understood, can lead to a kind of ferocity. It can help you stand up for yourself and others. Kristin Neff is the central pioneer in the field of self-compassion research and her work has had a massive impact on me and my own work. She is an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She's the author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and now she has a new book, called Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. This conversation is for everyone, whether you identify as a woman or not. These concepts are universal, although, as you will hear Kristen argue, there is special importance for women. And speaking of gender, we are dedicating this week to that subject. Coming up on Wednesday, we're going to talk about masculinity with a guest named Daniel Ellenberg. In this episode with Kristin Neff, we talk about: tender self-compassion vs. fierce self-compassion; the three main forms of fierce self-compassion; how to take a fierce self-compassion break; destructive vs. constructive anger; why she wrote the book specifically for women, and why you should read it, regardless of your gender socialization; how men can help the women in their lives develop this kind of ferocity; and how self-compassion can help us face our biases. For more resources on self-compassion, you can download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-360

28 Jun 20211h 1min

Today we have some counterintuitive relationship advice. If you're in a tough spot with your loved one, why would you want to have a deep chat about religion, politics, work, or your eating habits? Wouldn't that just make everything worse? My guest today says asking these hard questions is exactly what you should do. Susan Piver is a fan favorite in TPH-world. She has been a practicing Buddhist for more than a quarter-century. She's a graduate of a Buddhist seminary, founder of The Open Heart Project, and a New York Times bestselling author of many books, including How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. This month, she's releasing a revised and expanded edition of her blockbuster book, The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do." This book started out as a relationship tool for recently engaged couples, but it's taken on a much broader life. You can use it if your long-term relationship has hit a snag, if you've recently broken up with someone and want to understand why, or if you're single and just want to know yourself better. The book originally came out 20 years ago, but a lot has changed since then, so Susan has gone through and done a big rewrite. In this conversation, we talk about: why hard questions are so key to building or rebuilding the foundation for a healthy relationship; the difference between love affairs and long-term relationships (and how failing to see the difference can tank your relationship); why breakups are rarely caused by lack of love, but instead by something else; and Susan will explore, from a Buddhist perspective, what happens when the boundaries between you and another person begin to dissolve – and what to watch out for when this happens. Also, there's (just barely!) still time to join us in our free Taming Anxiety Challenge. This ten-day meditation challenge will teach you how to understand your anxiety and give you practical tools for coping with the difficult thoughts and emotions that arise when you are anxious. And it's also a great way to kickstart your meditation practice. You can join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Be sure to sign up by June 24! Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/susan-piver-359

23 Jun 202158min

Taming Anxiety Series - Episode 4: Welcome to the final episode in our Taming Anxiety Series! Today's guest, Leslie Booker – who goes by "Booker" – is one of America's leading dharma teachers. She began sharing the practice with vulnerable populations back in 2005 and is a graduate of three different training programs at Spirit Rock, including their four-year Retreat Teacher Training Program. In this conversation, Booker will make the case that one of the most important, even life-saving, tools when it comes to dealing with anxiety is our ability to connect with our communities. She also brings our attention to yet another Buddhist list – the "three characteristics." And she explains how bringing awareness to our bodies can help settle us in our most anxious moments. This, I should say, is something she's worked on with me personally. If you'd like to see that, you can actually do so, because we filmed it as part of our new Taming Anxiety Challenge, a ten-day meditation challenge which begins today over in the Ten Percent Happier app. Booker is one of the core teachers in the Taming Anxiety Challenge, which features short videos and guided meditations about how to live with anxiety more intentionally. In the app, you'll see her share strategies with me – and you – for putting into practice everything we talk about on the podcast today — including ways to normalize the experience of anxiety in your community. In fact, by joining the Taming Anxiety Challenge, you'll be part of a community of thousands of meditators learning to cope with anxiety. You can even invite your friends or family to join you in the Challenge – for free! You'll get a notification each time they meditate, so you can be accountable to and supportive of each other. You can join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/leslie-booker-358

21 Jun 20211h 10min