The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’
The Daily30 Apr 2023

The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’

In January 2022, Randi Schofield was a 34-year-old single mother who, not long before, left her full-time job of eight years as a personal bailiff to a local judge. She pulled $30,000 from her retirement savings and was planning to give herself all of 2022 to expand the small catering business she had always dreamed about. This would be the year she bet on herself. Then, that month, she received the news that medics were pulling her father out of his car.

The collision splintered the bone in his left thigh down to his knee; three days later, a metal rod held the broken pieces together. Until his leg recovered from the surgery, he would not be able to walk without assistance. In hindsight, there were warning signs that her father’s health could upend Schofield’s life. But he was also youthful and spirited, and it was easy to believe that everything was fine, that he was fine and that if she were to take care of him some day, it would be occasional and in a distant future. She didn’t see this day coming the way it did, so abruptly and so soon.

Increasing numbers of adult children are taking care of their parents, often shouldering the burden with no pay and little outside help — making their meals, helping them shower, bandaging their wounds and holding them up before they can fall. The social-work scholar Dorothy A. Miller once described this as the “peculiar position” in the modern American nuclear family, between the care people give to their aging parents and to their children. Today’s “sandwich generation” is younger than the version Miller described four decades ago, but it faces the same “unique set of unshared stresses” that she warned of then: acute financial strain, a lack of reciprocated support and “fatigue from fulfilling the demands of too many roles.”

This story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publications like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2017

Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2017

In a marathon session before Congress, Attorney General Jeff Sessions denied lying about Russian contacts in earlier testimony and sidestepped questions about feeling pressure from President Trump to investigate Hillary Clinton and Uranium One. Guests: Matt Apuzzo, who covers the Justice Department for The New York Times; Michael S. Schmidt, who covers national security. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. [AUDIO PLAYER DESCRIPTION] Attorney General Jeff Sessions denied lying to Congress about Russian contacts and sidestepped questions about feeling pressure to investigate Hillary Clinton. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

15 Nov 201721min

Tuesday, Nov. 14, 2017

Tuesday, Nov. 14, 2017

A fifth woman has come forward to accuse Roy S. Moore, the Republican Senate candidate in Alabama, of sexually assaulting her when she was a teenager. Mr. Moore has doubled down on claims of a Democratic conspiracy, while Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, has said, “I believe the women.” And we look at how YouTube is being used to game the news. Guests: Sheryl Gay Stolberg, congressional correspondent for The New York Times; Kevin Roose, who writes about technology. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

14 Nov 201724min

Monday, Nov. 13, 2017

Monday, Nov. 13, 2017

The House speaker, Paul D. Ryan, says the Republican tax plan would help the middle class. But that assumes that savings for the wealthy would trickle down the economic pyramid. Guest: Peter S. Goodman, an economics correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

13 Nov 201719min

Friday, Nov. 10, 2017

Friday, Nov. 10, 2017

Stephen K. Bannon has declared war on the Republican Party. He may no longer be in the White House as President Trump’s chief strategist, but he says that only makes him stronger. In an exclusive interview with The New York Times, he shares his battle plan for the soul of America. Guest: Jeremy W. Peters, who interviewed Mr. Bannon. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

10 Nov 201726min

Thursday, Nov. 9, 2017

Thursday, Nov. 9, 2017

The results of Tuesday’s elections are being called a rejection of President Trump. But Stephen K. Bannon, the president’s former chief strategist, says that’s all wrong. Also, the man who helped Texas to become one of the most gun-friendly states in America says the shooting at a church in Sutherland Springs will, if anything, strengthen the state’s relationship to firearms. Guests: Jeremy W. Peters, a New York Times reporter based in Washington, who interviewed Mr. Bannon; Jerry Patterson, who wrote the 1995 law that gave Texans the right to carry concealed weapons. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

9 Nov 201722min

Wednesday, Nov. 8, 2017

Wednesday, Nov. 8, 2017

A 16-year-old boy who sometimes wore skirts and makeup to school was killed in Iowa. Then the Justice Department sent a federal hate-crimes lawyer to aid in the prosecution. The trial has become part of the national debate over gender identity. Guests: Monica Davey, The New York Times’s Chicago bureau chief; Matt Apuzzo, who covers law enforcement; Shaunda Campbell, a former counselor at Burlington High School; Tremell Jones, a friend who was with Kedarie Johnson the night he was killed. Sabrina Tavernise is our host; Michael Barbaro will return tomorrow. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

8 Nov 201726min

Tuesday, Nov. 7, 2017

Tuesday, Nov. 7, 2017

A domestic violence conviction should have stopped Devin P. Kelley from purchasing guns, including the rifle used in a shooting that left at least 26 people dead at a church in Sutherland Springs, Tex. We look at why it didn’t. Also, a pattern is emerging between President Trump and the court system. Guests: Dave Philipps, who covers veterans and the military for The New York Times; Adam Liptak, who covers the Supreme Court, in conversation with Sabrina Tavernise. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

7 Nov 201723min

Monday, Nov. 6, 2017

Monday, Nov. 6, 2017

A gunman walked into a Baptist church in Sutherland Springs, Tex., on Sunday and opened fire. At least 26 people were killed — 7 percent of the town’s population. Guests: Manny Fernandez, The New York Times’s Houston bureau chief; Devin Butts, associate pastor at First Baptist Church in La Vernia, Tex. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

6 Nov 201720min

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