Dr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term

In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology. Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships. This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships.  Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://athleticgreens.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss   00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up 00:08:33 Choosing a Mate   00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires   00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates   00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History   00:32:20 Deception in Courtship   00:37:30 Emotional Stability   00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest   00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects   00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching   00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference   00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment   00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity   01:04:35 Contraception   01:06:22 Status & Mating Success   01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence   01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence   01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc.   01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy   01:33:25 Stalking   01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments   01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity   01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships   01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth   02:02:12 Self Deception   02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience   02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks   02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements   Disclaimer