Defensiveness vs Gaslighting - What's the Difference & How to Stop Both: Episode 362

Defensiveness vs Gaslighting - What's the Difference & How to Stop Both: Episode 362

It's important for all of us to admit that we have defensive mechanisms and that we do get defensive with our partners at times. Let's allow ourselves some grace here. Many of you would probably relate to getting even more defensive about getting defensive! It is common to go on the offensive through deflection or blame, which can leave another feeling that their experience is being invalidated.

However that does not mean that someone is being gaslighted. Gaslighting is a much more serious pattern when it is happening, and is a strong accusation to make that can quickly escalate a conversation or conflict. In this episode you will hear the clear distinction between defensiveness and gaslighting so that you can use the terms properly and reduce escalation. By the end of the episode you will hear 6 different actions to take to reduce both defensiveness and gaslighting in your relations. Both of these lead to erosion of connection, love, and emotional closeness.

Relationship Resources:

Join one of the 30 Day Couples Challenges starting Oct 1st, 2024 - select either one with this link: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/challenges. Or see the individual details below:

Level 1 details: "Prioritizing Us" is focused on strengthening your connection, communication, and fun "Love Deposit" ideas. LINKED HERE

Level 2 details : "Rebuilding Us" is focused on repairing and rebuilding after a harder season of marriage. LINKED HERE

Jaksot(436)

Why Some Partners Don't Follow-Through and How That Impacts a Marriage: Episode 436

Why Some Partners Don't Follow-Through and How That Impacts a Marriage: Episode 436

At our recent couples workshop, during a private conversation, a wife began crying as we described how broken follow-through slowly erodes trust in a marriage. Not because of one missed promise but be...

25 Helmi 40min

The 3 Islands of Marriage: Moving From Dysfunction or Function to Connection: Episode 435

The 3 Islands of Marriage: Moving From Dysfunction or Function to Connection: Episode 435

Which island is your marriage on right now? In this episode, we share a simple but eye-opening framework we call The 3 Islands of Marriage: Dysfunction, Function, and Connection. Marriage naturally mo...

18 Helmi 40min

Honesty vs Transparency: The Missing Piece to Feeling Fully Secure and Emotionally Safe: Episode 434

Honesty vs Transparency: The Missing Piece to Feeling Fully Secure and Emotionally Safe: Episode 434

Most couples believe trust is built by being honest—by not lying, not hiding anything major, and generally doing what you say you'll do. And while integrity absolutely matters, many couples are surpri...

10 Helmi 36min

How to Handle Stress So it Doesn't Negatively Impact Your Marriage: Episode 433

How to Handle Stress So it Doesn't Negatively Impact Your Marriage: Episode 433

Stress is unavoidable. Between the state of the world, work demands, parenting, and the pressure to keep everything running, most couples are carrying more than they realize. The problem isn't stress ...

3 Helmi 29min

Why Intimacy Can't Be Deepened Without Inner Healing with Stefanos Sifandos: Episode 432

Why Intimacy Can't Be Deepened Without Inner Healing with Stefanos Sifandos: Episode 432

So many couples are trying to fix intimacy by focusing on communication tools, date nights, or changing their partner's behavior—yet still feel disconnected. In this episode, we sit down with relation...

29 Tammi 46min

Resentment: How it Shows Up, Where it Stems From & How to Work Through it: Episode 431

Resentment: How it Shows Up, Where it Stems From & How to Work Through it: Episode 431

Resentment is one of those words people hesitate to claim because it sounds heavy, harsh, even a little scary. But the truth is, resentment doesn't usually start with big blowups or dramatic moments. ...

27 Tammi 37min

How to Stop Reacting to Each Other & Regulate Your Emotions Instead: Episode 430

How to Stop Reacting to Each Other & Regulate Your Emotions Instead: Episode 430

So many couples tell us the same thing lately: "We don't even feel like we're choosing to react—it just happens." It can be a tone, a look, or a comment that lands wrong. And suddenly you're respondin...

20 Tammi 26min

Debriefing a Moment that Could Have Escalated For Us, But Became a Healing Conversation: Episode 429

Debriefing a Moment that Could Have Escalated For Us, But Became a Healing Conversation: Episode 429

Sometimes it's not the big issues that unravel a marriage, it's the small, everyday moments that quietly stack up. A comment said with the wrong tone. A boundary expressed when stress is already high....

13 Tammi 38min

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