Brandi and AJ’s Story: BYU Mormons Grinding for Godhood

In this episode, Bryan sits down with Brandi and AJ to hear how a lifetime of devotion to Mormon exaltation turned into what they call “grinding for godhood”—a relentless pursuit of worthiness, temple marriage, and eternal approval. Their story reveals the hidden pressure of a works-based faith and sets the stage for how God began to unravel everything they thought was true.

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Check out Brandi's Book: The Journey to Jesus: Finding Christ after Leaving Mormonism

Grinding for Godhood: Life Inside Mormon Exaltation

In this episode, Bryan talks with Brandi and AJ, two former Mormons who were fully committed to their faith from childhood. Brandi introduces a phrase that captures their experience perfectly: “grinding for godhood.” It describes a life shaped by striving—keeping covenants, qualifying for temple blessings, and doing everything necessary to reach exaltation.

What does “grinding for godhood” mean?

Brandi explains that from a young age she believed her purpose was to tap into her divine nature and eventually become like God. This wasn’t driven by ego or a desire to be worshiped. It felt like obligation—this is what I was created for, and I have to take it seriously.

AJ felt the same pressure. The temple represented the ultimate goal: exaltation, eternal family, and eternal progression. Getting to the temple—and staying worthy—was everything.

Women, godhood, and the temple

For Brandi, godhood wasn’t just a “male” idea. She fully expected to become like a “Heavenly Mother,” even though Heavenly Mother was rarely discussed in Mormonism. Eternity was tied to temple marriage, which meant finding the right husband wasn’t optional—it was essential.

That belief raised the stakes on dating, college decisions, and life itself.

Utah vs. California Mormonism

AJ grew up in Utah, where Mormonism was normal and rarely questioned. Brandi grew up in California, constantly interacting with non-Mormons and Christians who challenged her beliefs. Instead of weakening her faith, that pressure made her more confident and outspoken.

Brandi actively debated theology, defended the Restoration, and gave Book of Mormons to friends and teachers—believing she was sharing something life-changing.

BYU and the pressure to marry

At BYU Provo, the urgency intensified. Brandi describes the dating culture as competitive and stressful. Being single as a junior or senior felt like failure. Marriage wasn’t just about love—it was about eternity.

When Brandi and AJ began dating, the pressure followed them into engagement. Brandi admits she feared something tragic might happen before they were sealed in the temple. Eternity felt fragile, dependent on timing, worthiness, and obedience.

Garments, worthiness, and spiritual pressure

Brandi explains receiving her endowment and garments—milestones she had looked forward to for years. They symbolized progress toward exaltation. Yet at the same time, she felt uncomfortable with the legalism and image-driven culture she saw in Utah Mormonism.

She loved Mormon theology and the idea of living the “higher law,” but she also felt suffocated by expectations to look perfect and hide weakness.

The first cracks

Neither Brandi nor AJ were looking to leave Mormonism. They loved it. Their families were all in. But cracks began to form.

AJ’s started when he learned about blood atonement in a BYU religion class—something he had never heard despite years in the church. It forced him to reconsider the claim that prophets would never teach error.

Brandi’s concerns began with leadership decisions and perceived contradictions. Those questions eventually led them to consider researching issues more deeply—something they had been taught to avoid.

They describe that moment as frightening and disorienting. Looking outside approved sources felt wrong, even sinful. But once they started asking honest questions, everything changed.

The episode ends on a cliffhanger as Brandi and AJ stand at the edge of a journey they never planned to take.