224. “I took on debt to help my family. Now she won’t marry me.”

Rachel (31) and Pierre (42) have been together for four years, building a loving and stable life in Brooklyn. But one issue is holding everything back: Pierre’s $60,000 in debt from a failed business he started to support his family. His plan is to wait it out, hoping the problem disappears. But Rachel is unwilling to move forward towards marriage until there’s a plan in place. To her, his passive approach feels like a warning sign for their future together. Can Ramit help them face the reality of this debt, make a plan, and build a shared vision? In this episode we uncover: • Why Rachel vowed never to date someone with debt—and why she chose to date Pierre anyway • Pierre’s family vape shop business collapse and the $60,000 in debt he took on to try to save it • The stark difference in how each partner views the debt • Why Pierre believes ignoring the judgment is a valid strategy • Rachel’s habit of minimizing her own fears • How Pierre’s family history shaped his own sense of obligation • Rachel’s painful history with her mother being scammed out of $60,000 • The tension between investing for the future versus paying off past mistakes • How cultural expectations and family loyalty complicate Pierre’s decision-making around money • The breaking point: Rachel admits she cannot say yes to a proposal without a clear plan for the debt • Ramit’s game plan to get the debt paid off—the right way Chapters: (00:00:00) “If you don’t handle this debt, I won’t marry you” (00:19:50) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:27:25) “Happy wife, happy life” — but what about the debt? (00:41:53) He took on debt for his family — but at what cost to his future? (00:55:01) “I don’t ask my dad for money… and I don’t ask Pierre either” (01:07:31) How small sacrifices can open the door to big changes (01:23:21) Logistics are a big turn on (01:30:50) Where are they now? Rachel and Pierre’s follow-ups This episode is brought to you by: SonderMind | Go to https://sondermind.com to get matched with the right therapist in less than a week. Doola | Go to https://doola.com/ramit and use code RAMIT for 10% off LLC formation and bookkeeping. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit Rocket Money | Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way at https://rocketmoney.com/ramit Notion | Try Notion for free at https://notion.com/ramit and experience the powerful, easy-to-use Notion AI today. Links mentioned in this episode • Get tickets for my next live events—September 14 in Atlanta and September 26 in Los Angeles—at https://iwt.com/events Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.