Why Does Homophobic Language Turn Me On? - Part 1 | S05E09

Michael explains the fundamentals of his BDSM practice, which often involves using homophobic language at the request of his submissives. He clarifies that this isn't arbitrary but serves as a powerful tool to establish a clear hierarchy of superiority and inferiority, which is highly arousing for both parties.

He connects this kink to a deep-seated "shame wound" resulting from societal heteronormativity and internalised homophobia. For him and many of his subs, engaging with these power dynamics makes their feelings of inadequacy "make sense," creating an "unconflicted" state that is sexually charged. He explains that submitting to a "superior" straight man in fantasy provides a powerful sense of belonging and certainty about one's place in the world.

Indy seeks to understand the psychological drivers of a kink that is foreign to her. She questions Michael to understand why homophobic language is used and what makes the "straight man" figure superior within this dynamic.

She theorises that the sexual arousal stems not from the hierarchy itself, but from the feelings of safety and being unconflicted that a clearly defined and predictable social structure provides. She suggests that the comfort found in these familiar, even if painful, dynamics is more about predictability than true safety. She reflects that this overt sexualisation of social hierarchy seems to be a more prominent feature in the male experience.

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