Why You Always Want More, And How To Fix It | Michael Easter

Ever lie awake at night replaying all the moments you lost it with your kids, your partner, or your co-workers? You're not alone. Bart van Melik is back on the show (his first appearance was four years ago) as our Teacher of the Month for January. Bart has one of the more interesting origin stories in the meditation world: from a small town in the Netherlands to Kenya on an exchange program (where he met his wife of 30 years), to studying in Thailand, to teaching meditation to teenagers in juvenile detention in the South Bronx. In this conversation with executive producer DJ Cashmere, we talk about: The difference between being mindful and knowing you're mindful (and why this matters when your 11-year-old is pushing every button) Why awareness feels like protection How to stop the cycle of: snap, regret, repeat What Bart learned teaching meditation to kids in juvie who told him his meditation was "lit" Why your kids might be your fiercest Zen teachers The surprising power of saying "no" without aversion How everything actually goes faster when you stop rushing His favorite teaching from a modern-day monk: "Keep calmly knowing change" Related Resources: Bart's previous episode on insight dialogue and relational meditation practice New guided meditations from Bart available throughout January Join Dan's online community here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

11 Jan 33min

Practical ways to upgrade your narrative. Melissa Febos is the national bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood, Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative, and a new memoir, The Dry Season. She is the recipient of awards and fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation, the National Endowment for the Arts and others. Her work has appeared in The Paris Review, The New Yorker, The Best American Essays and others. She is a professor at the University of Iowa. In this episode we talk about: How to "audit" your personal narrative with simple questions Melissa's five-step method for rewriting unhelpful stories Why community, and vulnerability are required for real change; in other words, why it's harder to do this work alone Melissa's own experiences running this playbook with regard to her relationships and her addictions. Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

9 Jan 1h 8min

How psychology and spirituality can work together. Amita Schmidt is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Hawaii. She has taught Vipassana meditation for over thirty years, and was the Resident Teacher at Insight Meditation Society for six years. She is the author of the book Dipa Ma: The Life and Legacy of a Buddhist Master. Amita currently teaches and practices non-dual meditation and is a certified IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapist. In this episode we talk about: How psychology and spirituality can work together The basics of Internal Family Systems (or IFS) Amita's personal path through trauma, depression, and a pivotal insight that changed everything Why states like depression aren't as solid as they feel How to work with the inner critic Simple ways to access the sanest, wisest version of yourself The shift from psychological healing to spiritual insight The value of acceptance and surrender Simple pointers for sensing "aware presence" beneath all the mental noise Related Episodes: How (and Why) to Hug Your Inner Dragons | Richard Schwartz How To Handle Your Demons | Richard Schwartz Additional resources: Amita on InsightTimer Amita on DharmaSeed Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris Thanks to our sponsor: LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier.

7 Jan 1h 1min

The legendary psychotherapist unpacks the concept of "hostile dependency" and explains why cutting people off doesn't always work. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is a leading voice on modern relationships, known for her widely viewed TED Talks, bestselling books and the hit podcast. She runs a New York–based therapy practice and advises global organizations and platforms on the complexities of contemporary relationships. Follow Esther Perel's podcast Where Should We Begin? on YouTube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and subscribe to Entre Nous with Esther Perel on Substack for exclusive bonus content. In this episode we talk about: What Esther Perel really means by eros How modern life quietly depletes our sense of feeling alive Why aliveness can coexist with grief, pain, and difficulty  The danger of numbness  Introverts, extroverts, and the many non-social ways we experience vitality Vital sources of connection and meaning Co-regulation, touch, presence, and why words alone aren't enough "Hostile dependency" and the paradoxes of long-term relationships Why loneliness has become normalized, and why it shouldn't be How to rebuild community through small, practical acts Rituals as a way to mark time, create meaning, and feel grounded The tension between individualism, belonging, and responsibility to others Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris   Thanks to our sponsors: HomeServe: Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to homeserve.com to find a plan that's right for you. LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier. NOCD: Head over to nocd.com and book a free 15‑minute call with their team, to learn more and start getting help with OCD. OneSkin:  Get up to 30% off your first three subscription orders when you use the code "happier" at OneSkin.co/happier.

5 Jan 53min

Today we're gonna talk about some Buddhist hacks for two deeply related and all too common ailments: anxiety and overthinking. Most of us have struggled with one or both of these, and one of the people who has helped Dan the most is Joseph Goldstein. Regular listeners to this podcast will be familiar with Joseph and his very direct, very down-to-earth style, but if you don't know – let us introduce you. He's one of the foremost Buddhist teachers in the west, he's been Dan's teacher for about 15 years, and Dan's recently convinced him to write a book together, using a collection of these little phrases that he's cooked up over the years. Dan's been keeping a list of around a hundred or so tiny, useful phrases – bite-sized wisdom for meditation practice and for daily life. The book won't be out for a few years, but we're conducting a series of interviews with him, each one covering a few phrases, and we'll be releasing those here on the podcast.  The first installment of these interviews about Joseph's phrases just came out on Thursday, Jan. 1, and you don't have to listen to that episode for this episode to make sense, but they are useful together.  Today, we'll be covering:  The practice assessment tapes Whatever works Cowboy Dharma Dead end Is this useful And a quartet about walking meditation: sensations moving through space, walking through space, walking in a dream, walking through the mind Don't worry if those don't make sense right now – stick with us and you'll get a thorough explanation of where those phrases all come from and how they can help.    Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Thanks to our sponsor: LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier.  To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

4 Jan 1h 17min

You may have noticed that your mind is out of control. It's filled with racing thoughts, ancient neuroses and grudges, revenge fantasies… So why are we like this and what can be done about it? Today, we're talking to one of our favorite people and also one of the most prominent meditation teachers in the West, Joseph Goldstein, about how "ridiculous" our minds are – that's a word he uses a lot to describe the mind – and some really compelling ways to train the mind. Spoiler: having a sense of humor is crucial here. Just by way of context: this is the first in a series of episodes with Joseph, focusing on the phrases he uses while he's teaching Buddhism and meditation. Dan and Joseph are collaborating on a book that will be a compilation of these phrases and how to use them. This book won't be out for several years, but as Dan conducts a series of interviews with Joseph, we'll release them here on the podcast. There's another part coming out this Sunday, January 4th.  Just to give you a little taste, here are the phrases we'll be covering in today's episode:   Just begin again Sit and know you're sitting Relaxed, not casual  More or less mindful  Thieves of meditation Mara, I see you. Ridiculous The mind has no pride Soundtrack  The mind is the forerunner of all things.  These might not make any sense right now, but you'll hear Joseph explain each of these, where they came from, and how to use them in your meditation practice AND in your daily life. Incredibly practical, bite-sized wisdom.    Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Thanks to our sponsor: LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier.  To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

1 Jan 1h 8min

Buddhist strategies for taming that nagging voice in your head. Ofosu Jones-Quartey, a meditation teacher, author, and musician hailing from the Washington DC area, brings over 17 years of experience in sharing mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion practices with the world. Holding a bachelor's degree from American University and certified by the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, Ofosu is a graduate of the Teleos Coaching Institute and is the male voice on the Balance meditation app, reaching over 10 million subscribers.  Ofosu leads meditation classes and retreats nationwide, having taught and led retreats at the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, The Insight Meditation Society, Spirit Rock, Brooklyn Zen Center, Cleveland Insight, Inward Bound Mindfulness and more. As an accomplished hip hop artist under the name "Born I," Ofosu released the mindfulness-themed album "In This Moment" in 2021. Born I's most recent album, "Komorebi" (2025), has been hailed by listeners as "a missing piece in hip-hop," praised for its meditative flow and spiritual depth. The companion book, "Lyrical Dharma: Hip-Hop as Mindfulness" (Parallax Press), arrives with a foreword by Pulitzer Prize winner Alice Walker, further cementing Born I as a unique voice at the intersection of art and contemplative practice. Beyond music, Ofosu is an author, releasing his self-published children's book "You Are Enough" in 2020 and "Love Your Amazing Self" via Storey Publishing in 2022. He lives in Rockville, Maryland, with his wife and four children. In this episode we talk about: The relationship between self-compassion and a successful meditation practice All the reasons people resist self-compassion, and his rebuttals Whether self-compassion is selfish How to do self-compassion off the cushion, including practices like journaling, written reminders, establishing accountability partners, and simple questions you can drop into your mind when all else fails How to do self-compassion on the cushion, including practices like body scans, metta, and a check-in practice you can use at the very start of your sits And how to teach self-compassion to children   This episode was first aired in April 2024. Related Episodes: Think You Suck at Meditation? This Conversation Could Help. | Ofosu Jones-Quartey   Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel   To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

31 Dec 20251h 5min

Radical advice on rethinking success, individualism, and the American dream.   Mia Birdsong is a pathfinder, culture change visionary, and futurist. She is the founding Executive Director of Next River, a think tank and culture change lab for interconnected freedom. In her book How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community, Mia maps swaths of community life, and points us toward the promise of our collective vitality.  In this episode we talk about: How to build community What it looks like in her own life Mutuality vs reciprocity  How to work with resentment and rejection  The etymological connection between friendship and freedom  The transformative power of asking for help And why she thinks the idea of bootstrapping—or going it alone—is a kind of self-hatred   This episode originally aired on May 22nd, 2024.   Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris   Thanks to our sponsor:  Huel: Get 15% off your first order at huel.com with code HAPPIER. Minimum $75 purchase.

29 Dec 20251h 8min