When "I Understand" Can Hurt And Why: Healing the Wound of Unvalidated Grief

In this solo episode, therapist and host Malisa Hepner unpacks why grief can feel so activating when someone says they "understand" your loss—especially when comparisons miss the mark. She explores how these moments often trigger deep neglect wounds and a fear that our pain isn't being seen or honored. Rather than staying in victimhood or demanding external validation, Malisa invites listeners into a more grounded truth: our pain does not need to be validated by others to be real. Through compassionate reflection, she shares how healing begins when we recognize our triggers, take responsibility for our inner safety, and learn to validate ourselves—without minimizing the depth of our grief, or others.

• Notice the trigger: when you feel invalidated, name the neglect wound being activated.
  
  

• Release victimhood by separating your pain from others' capacity to understand it.
  
  

• Practice self-validation: affirm the reality and depth of your grief without comparison.
  
  

• Create internal safety by meeting your pain with compassion before seeking it externally.
  
  

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Contact Jen Taylor: jentaylorfani@gmail.com Jen Taylor Insta, Jen Taylor Books