119: Not in the mood for sex? Let’s talk alternatives

119: Not in the mood for sex? Let’s talk alternatives

In this episode, I explore the nuance of sexual intimacy in long-term relationships and what it really means to meet each other in desire, even when you’re not fully “in the mood.” I share the deeper context behind a recent (and quite controversial) post about offering a blowjob as an alternative form of intimacy and unpack why this idea sparked so much conversation.

We dive into the differences between male and female arousal, spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and why sexuality is far more complex than a simple yes or no. This episode opens up a more expansive way of thinking about intimacy, where communication, choice, and mutual satisfaction take the lead.

This is an invitation to move beyond rigid definitions of sex, to explore what feels truly aligned for you, and to approach intimacy from a place of empowerment, generosity, and self-awareness.

In this episode:

  • Why desire differs between men and women

  • The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire

  • Why intimacy doesn’t always have to include penetration

  • How to stay connected when you’re not in the mood for sex

  • The role of communication, consent, and boundaries

  • Reframing giving (including oral sex) as a choice, not an obligation

  • How sexual empowerment transforms your relationship

Related episodes:

67: Embrace your desire style: explaining spontaneous vs. responsive desire →

69: The ultimate desire hack: how to have more sex in your longterm relationship →

Avsnitt(120)

118: rest and relaxation – essential for well being and PLEASURE

118: rest and relaxation – essential for well being and PLEASURE

In this episode, I explore the art of relaxation and why so many women struggle to truly rest. I share my personal journey of moving out of “go-go girl mode,” how quitting caffeine changed my relation...

17 Mars 24min

117: Choosing family in a culture of “having it all”

117: Choosing family in a culture of “having it all”

In this episode, I share a deeply personal reflection on turning 40, living in the in-between without a home, and what it has taught me about identity, nervous system regulation, and belonging. I talk...

3 Mars 33min

116: Q&A - fantasy, self-touch, and body signals

116: Q&A - fantasy, self-touch, and body signals

In this episode, I answer three honest and intimate questions from my community about mental arousal and fantasy, shame or disgust around self-touch, and burning or sensitivity at the vaginal entrance...

17 Feb 24min

115: life updates + my season of expansion

115: life updates + my season of expansion

In this episode, I drop in with an honest life update after a long pause from the podcast. I share what the past months have really been like behind the scenes—sleep deprivation, sickness, moving home...

4 Feb 24min

114: Q&A - arousal drop after Clit Os, disgust when touching yourself, and getting back into intimacy after 10 months

114: Q&A - arousal drop after Clit Os, disgust when touching yourself, and getting back into intimacy after 10 months

In this episode, I answer three powerful questions from my community about orgasms, disgust in self-touch, and how to find your way back to sex after a long dry spell in a relationship. We explore the...

11 Dec 202534min

113: Are you a teen or a woman in the bedroom?

113: Are you a teen or a woman in the bedroom?

In this episode, I unpack a powerful question from a listener who shared that while she’s a fully capable adult woman in every area of life (career, motherhood, friendship, creativity), but her sexual...

4 Dec 202538min

112: Sluttiness, eros, erotic expression & freedom, maturing into adult sexual womanhood and SLUT power

112: Sluttiness, eros, erotic expression & freedom, maturing into adult sexual womanhood and SLUT power

In this episode, I share what it means to step fully into your slut era inside a committed relationship (or in singlehood). I talk about why this energy is so powerful, how it revived my own desire, a...

1 Dec 202528min

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