My Mormon Mission Gave me PTSD - Rian Anderson | Ep. 1922

As the first to be “born in the covenant” to convert parents, Rian Anderson's world revolved around the Church, until her mission became a crucible of mental anguish and familial tension. Expecting her experience to be one based on love and service, Rian was instead met with strict rules, surveillance, and spiritual turmoil as she continually felt forced to act against her own conscience & integrity. Through it all, Rian found support through weekly calls with her family, which she cherished. That is, until her family’s mounting concern for Rian’s welfare coincided with their loss of faith in the church.

The oppressive atmosphere coupled with isolation due to the initial rise of COVID began to take its toll on her mental and physical health, neither of which were adequately addressed. Amid despair over her family's disaffection from Church, Rian experienced a burst ovarian cyst, an incredibly painful condition that can have severe complications. Instead of being advised to go to the hospital, she was made to wait it out instead, and as she began to battle depression and suicidal thoughts, her mission leaders' response was shocking: accusations of pride and instructions to cut ties with her doubting family.

Certain that their concern for Rian’s spiritual well-being was superior to the love her “fallen” family had to offer back home, her Mission President and his wife insert themselves as surrogate parents for the remainder of her mission and beyond. Despite this initial interference, Rian finds herself facing her own faith crisis. As she considers what the actions of her “mission parents” truly cost her, Rian discovers for herself the real meaning of family, and her family had it all along.

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