556 Are shared calendars enough?

A listener writes in to ask why she was surprised with her partner's dating someone else, even with shared calendars.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

The Netflix Party Chrome plugin lets you watch the same Netflix show simultaneously at different locations, and it has a chat feature!

3:00 Are shared calendars enough?

A listener is in a closed triad of eight months, joining a married couple (D and Y) of eight years in everyone's first poly relationship. They only started sharing calendars two weeks ago, and our listener saw a date night on their shared calendar on our listener's regular Friday date night. It turns out it was a couple D and Y had met previously, decided to have drinks with, and decided not to invite our listener. Our listener felt surprised and wanted to know how to handle scheduling with multiple partners.

• It's not unusual to feel bad about having someone else's date night sprung on them as a surprise. Calendars are no substitute for communication.
• Since you just started sharing calendars, let's assume goodwill all around and chalk it up to a communication glitch. D and Y might just have fallen into their old couple communications patterns. Minx has had a hard time breaking her solo-poly decision-making patterns, so let's take this as an opportunity to address a habit that might need to change.
• Never assume; always ask.
• If you want a standing date night, ask for it explicitly and ask for how you want it changed when changes are necessary.
• Calendar changes are great opportunities to do relationship check-ins to see how everyone is feeling about the current relationships.
• You get to have a say in dates and relationships that affect you. The Relationship Bill of Rights.
• It's generally better to give someone the option to say no rather than to assume the answer would be no and not invite them.

13:45 Happy poly moment

Natalie writes in with an adorable happy poly moment about her anniversary!

16:15 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."