"You're damn right I'm controlling!"

This is a story about control, my control. Control of what I say, control of what I do. And this time I'm gonna do it my way. For those of you too young to recognize those opening phrases, that’s from Janet Jackson’s song, “Control”. Not only is being called “controlling”, or some version of that sentiment, one of the most used gaslighting phrases I’ve heard, most people who experience chronic gaslighting have very LITTLE control.

In today’s episode, I’m going to unpack how the way I work with gaslighting helps my clients move into an energy of, “you’re damn right I’m controlling”.

If you missed it, you have one more day to get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. The code expires February 1st.

This week, I wanted to talk about how the focus I have around gaslighting enables us to step into a much more empowered place when we are dealing with someone who is doing gaslighting behaviors, or if we’ve left that relationship, how we can take back what we lost.

• The scale of progression of effects:
• Confusion to self-doubt to internal conflict (cognitive dissonance) to being overwhelmed/worn out to giving in/discard reality to loss of self.
• Loss of self = knowing self (values, wants, needs), trusting self (boundaries), loving self, and connection to self (personality)

Other definitions = main focus is intent and behaviors of the gaslighter. The gaslightee is secondary. My definition = focus is EQUAL.

Old definition = things we can’t be certain of (intent and level of awareness of another person). My definition = focus on thigs WE can know (behaviors and impact on us).

Car analogy – One scenario, two experiences. One where the person is gaslit and has no control; the other is an example of being in control. Control of ourselves, our safety, our awareness, and of what we do and do not allow in our relationships.

Top Take-Aways:

• "The more gaslighting I experience, the more I lose connection with myself. I am NOT alone in this. I do not need to feel ANY shame for this.
• While it’s important to recognize gaslighting when it’s happening, the MORE important thing to be aware of is ME – what I need for my safety; what I am thinking/feeling/needing/wanting; what I am and am NOT okay with in any relationship.
• "When it comes to my well-being, you’re damn right I’m controlling – it’s my sacred self-responsibility!"

Don't forget about my DG Conversations webinar. Here I take you through my R2C2 process,

which is Resolve, Connect, Release, and Confidence. If you resonated with a lot

of what I spoke about today, then this is for you – and it’s FREE.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.