#42: How to Surve a Narcissist

People who are TRULY narcissists are focuses on maintaining control at whatever cost. They will break you down emotionally and mentally over time and will manipulate every situation so that you come to believe YOU are at fault and they are the victims. So, how to you identify a narcissist? It can be very hard in the beginning because their controlling behavior might appear as self-confidence or genuine concern for your wellbeing, but her are 5 common traits and behaviors that you should be on the lookout for:

1. Overly Self-Centered: they tend to talk about themselves and their accomplishments a lot, and may not show much interest in your life or feelings.

2. Sense of Entitlement: they believe they are special and deserve special treatment. They may expect you to go out of your way to please them.

3. Lack Empathy: they have a hard time putting themselves in other people's shoes and may not be able to understand or care about how you're feeling.

4. Controlling: they may try to control what you do, who you see, and how you think.

5. Inflated Sense of Self-Importance: they believe they are better than others and may belittle or put down those around them.

Instead of acknowledging your feelings and taking responsibility for his actions, he immediately dismisses your concerns and starts gaslighting you:

1. Denial: "I never cancel plans without discussing it with you. You must be imagining things or exaggerating. I always consider your opinions."

2. Blame-Shifting: "You're too sensitive. It's not my fault you're overreacting to minor things. Maybe you should work on controlling your emotions better."

3. Minimization: "It's not a big deal. You're blowing this out of proportion. I cancel plans occasionally, but it's not like it happens all the time. You're making it seem worse than it is."

4. Gaslighting: "Actually, you're the one who cancels plans more often than me. You're just trying to turn the tables and make me look bad."

5. Invalidation: "I can't believe you're upset about this. It's really not worth getting worked up over. You're being unreasonable and now you're making ME feel like shit."

Unfortunately, the success rate of a relationship with a narcissist is VERY small so if you are in this situation and you are trying to get out, here are some recommendations:

1. Be Clear and Firm: When you decide to end the relationship, make sure you are clear and firm in your decision. Don't leave any room for negotiation or hope of reconciliation.

2. Set Boundaries: He may try to contact you or make demands after the breakup. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.

3. Limit Contact: If possible, limit your contact. This may mean blocking his number, avoiding social events where he will be present, and cutting ties with mutual friends who may try to involve you in drama.

4. Don't Engage: He may try to make you jealous or play mind games with you. Don't engage in his behavior or try to get revenge. This will only fuel their need for attention and drama.

5. Get support: Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Make sure you have a support system of friends, family, or a coach/therapist who can help you through the process.

Chapters:

Intro

00:01

The 5 Common Traits to Help You Identify a Narcissist

04:32

What Dialogue with a Narcissist Looks Like

06:22

How to End a Relationship with a Narcissist

10:44

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