18. Sex for one: The intersection of grief and sexuality - Christy Lanterman

Fix the sex and you fix the relationship (according to Esther Perel). But how does a widowed person deal with the challenges of their sexual desire for a partner who is no longer here. To make things even more complex, when spiritual beliefs bring shame, condemnation and secrecy about sex, what is a healthy path towards exploring our own sexuality when we are now on our own?

Together with my dear friend Christy Lanterman, who is an amazing counsellor based in Kansas City, I share some of my very personal journey of struggle and celebration in re-discovering and -reclaiming my own sexuality after the death of my husband.

I've heard the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and in my experience, not having my husband physically present has certainly increased my desire for intimacy with him. I believe I am not the only one who feels like this. Death in many instances can intensify the intimacy desire we feel for our partner, and unleash a difficult and often complicated path to fulfil the sexual need we truly crave for. But open and tasteful conversations about this topic in relationship to grief, are rare and often avoided

The intersection of grief and sexuality is unique for each grieving individual, and recognising that our sexual needs and desires didn't die with our partner is the first step towards reclaiming our bodies and finding a new expression of this integral part of being human.

Christy Lanterman is a master’s level licensed professional counsellor with emphasis in couples and family therapy. Two years of experience counselling individuals, couples and families. Success working with a diverse clientele presenting with a variety of concerns including trauma, history of physical and sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, grief, religious wounds, relationship and family concerns, infidelity, intimacy, co-parenting, divorce, separation and reunification.

Christy understands that every person’s story and situation is unique and valid. She is intentional about developing trust and creating a judgment free space because she sees counselling as a collaborative process where my primary goal is to meet you at whatever point in your journey you are today. When working with couples, she takes a Gottman approach, which integrates empirical evidence on what makes love last. Based on 40 years of relationship research, the Gottman approach takes the guess-work out of how we can cultivate strong and lasting relationships.

You can find out more about Christy and her counselling practice, on her website https://www.christylanterman.com/home/about-me?fbclid=IwAR3-KxLE9uQD5nFbyV2heKP3nfvEo_dqw-P9CBGNLhkKe8O53c0GEDFuAKA. If you would like to book an appointment or get in touch with Christy click this link https://www.christylanterman.com/home/contact-me

If you would like to get in touch, please email tatiana@crazygrief.com or check out my website www.crazygrief.com

Thank you so much for listening. Please share, subscribe and rate this show so we can continue to make more episodes.

Much love,

Tatiana xo