Defining Motherhood

Our routes to motherhood can be extremely varied, all with complex emotions involved. Meet Mel Johnson,

Solo Mum and founder of The Stork and I which you can hear all about here in our previous episode In this chat, Mel and I caught up on the reality of being solo motherhood - the journey and the rollercoaster

Mel talked about loneliness and how she struggled initially with the lack of adult company whilst she was on maternity, having Daisy for the full day, learning to be a Mum and then going into the evening routine, that period where you’ve done the whole day, you’ve got them to sleep and you’re like yes..and you’ve got to sort everything… and then you can get on to you and then there’s silence.. there’s nobody to chat to, to help you tidy up and if that goes on night after night it becomes very lonely and that’s not to mention you don't have a social life.

As Mel was going back to work, she found after a day at work and then the evening routine she felt very lonely, so she worked out how to make it better. Being extremely organized. Mel now books her diary so far in advance, have things planned to do… social things, work things, anything she wants to do book it in, and figure out where it fits

Mel spoke about how your mindset changes and how she has to organize things. She also realized she was deselecting herself from things because she thought she'd be putting people out or tagging along with Daisy, but realized she couldn’t be further from the truth

Turning Point as a Solo Mum

Mel also talked about the 'turning point' when she felt more like myself… how 2018 the year of the tracksuit, something we can all relate to and we spoke about the impact of getting up and getting dressed making a massive impact on your mental health

We also spoke about productivity - it’s very much about what works well at what time. The period of time when Daisy is at nursery, the period of time when we’re together and period of time when she’s asleep, Mel explained how she plans it all. Mel talked about how the transition back to work was positive as she was honest with them about what she wanted - and her advice is to ask for everything they can only say no.

Do you have a partner?

She also explained how day to day, everyone presumes you have a partner because you have a child. People look shocked when they see Daisy and she’s quite young and Mel explained what she tell's them that she has chosen to have her on her own.

Some people she tells more to "Because I’m 40 and I thought if I didn’t I might miss out on the chance of motherhood"

Mel says: "I always advise people to get a soundbite they are comfortable with. I’ve had an absolutely positive experience, but so many people come from the presumption that you have a partner. I don’t want anyone to think I am stuck in this circumstance it's my preference that people know I choose to go into this"

Mel works with a lot of other women helping them to frame how best to tell their stories. We also spoke about 'Guide parents' Mel explained how "someone asked me the question ‘have you got someone you are substituting that partner role with and I said there’s not one person, there’s many. I’m not into swimming, so I’d asked my male friends who love to swim if he’d take her and he was so keen"

To find out more about Mel follow her on Insta and find out more about Mel's community and her coaching here