'Twas The Night Before Nookmas

'Twas the night before Nookmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even old Klaus;

The stockings were hung by the Cranny with care,

In hopes that St. Nookolas soon would be there;

The locals were nestled all snug in their beds;

While visions of Luna danced in their heads;

And Phil in his 'teddy, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,

When out on the island there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flasher,

Tore open the shutters and threw up... the sash...er.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

and Isabelle manning the center below

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,

With a rabid old driver, a corrupt old tanuk,

I knew in this moment he must be St. Nook.

More peppy than Bangle, his coursers they came,

And he cursed, and shouted, and called them by name:

Now Chelsea, Now Lopez, Now Fuchsia and Zell

On Dierdre, On Erik, On Beau and jingAle

To the top of the Airport! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As Maple Leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

When they’re missed with a bug net, mount to the sky

So up to the Bus Stop, the coursers they flew

With the sleigh full of turnips and St. Nookolas too--

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nookolas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his tail,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and ale;

A bundle of bills he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.

His teeth—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose quite scary!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And his eyes were searching where I hid all my dough

The glint of a bell he held tight in his teeth,

And the greed, it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and was round like a bell

He seemed agitated and had an odd smell

He was grumpy and greedy, a right angry old Nook,

and I laughed when I saw him, then he gave me a look!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me the feeling of unease and dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; with rotten turnips you jerk!,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

As Isabelle pulled, up the chimney he rose

He sprang to his sleigh, and his team gave him a gristle,

And away they all flew like an Intercontinental ballistic missile

But I heard him exclaim, as he spreaded more blight__

“You’ll pay for this all, but just not tonight!”

From everyone here at Nook’s Tavern, Happy Toyday, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, A Wonderful Winter’s Veil, and a Happy Festivus for the rest of us!