218: Lashing Out, Shutting Down: How to Help When She’s Triggered

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes: Perfectionism might look like high standards — but for many men, it’s actually fear in disguise. In this episode, we talk about how the pressure to always “get it right” becomes one of the biggest hidden triggers for porn use. You’ll learn why feelings of failure, shame, and “not being enough” create the emotional weight that drives the urge to escape through pornography — and how to break that cycle for good. Instead of fighting perfectionism with more willpower or affirmations, you’ll discover how to pinpoint the real issue underneath it — whether it’s stress, disconnection, or a skill that just needs to be built. This episode will help you: Understand the root cause of pornography addiction linked to perfectionism and shame. Learn how to overcome porn urges by removing the emotional pressure that fuels them. Build a stronger sense of self-worth that’s not tied to performance or success. See failure differently — not as proof you’re broken, but as feedback about your system that can be improved. If you’ve ever felt like you have to be perfect to feel worthy — or that one slip means you’ve ruined all your progress — this episode will help you breathe again. You’ll see how to find peace, rebuild confidence, and take your next step forward in porn addiction recovery with clarity and compassion.

23 Okt 21min

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes: Can you ever really cure porn addiction — or is it something you’ll struggle with for life? In this episode of The Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction Podcast, licensed marriage and family therapist Sam Tielemans breaks down one of the most debated questions in pornography recovery: Is true freedom from porn actually possible? Most people are told that pornography addiction is something they’ll always have to manage. But Sam explains why lasting porn addiction recovery isn’t about endless management or white-knuckling — it’s about healing the root cause of pornography use so you can finally experience freedom. You’ll hear three powerful, real-life stories of men who overcame porn addiction by addressing the emotional and relational roots behind it — stress, loneliness, and shame. Through their journeys, you’ll learn: How to identify the root of your pornography addiction (emotional, habitual, or physical) Why willpower and filters don’t work long-term How to replace porn with genuine emotional connection and inner stability The process to rebuild trust and intimacy after porn addiction has damaged a marriage Whether you’re a husband struggling with porn, or a wife trying to understand and heal from betrayal, this episode offers practical tools, deep compassion, and real hope for change. If you’re searching for: how to stop watching porn porn addiction help for men pornography addiction recovery in marriage overcome porn addiction permanently …then this episode will show you what real freedom looks like — not as a “cure,” but as the predictable result of emotional healing, skill-building, and relationship repair.

9 Okt 18min

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes: Today we dive deep into the real reason men relapse when sexual energy builds — and it’s not just about willpower. If you've been battling porn addiction, you’ve likely tried to resist, suppress, and distract yourself every time an urge to watch porn surfaces. But what if that strategy is actually setting you up to fail? This episode uncovers why the common “dam approach” — where you try to hold back your sexual urges through deprivation — often leads to more pressure, anxiety, and eventual porn relapses. Instead, we explore two proven frameworks that help men break free from the binge/guilt/shame cycle and experience long-term porn addiction recovery. We tell the story of two men: One who used pornography to escape emotional pain like shame, rejection, and loneliness... And one who faced habitual urges and sexual energy late at night, even after he had removed his triggers... Both learned how to stop using porn as a coping mechanism and finally felt in control again. In this episode, you'll learn:    Why deprivation often causes anxiety and increases the risk of porn relapses    How to understand what’s really driving your urge to watch porn — emotional pain vs. physical arousal     How to use mindfulness and redirection to handle urges without suppression or shame     A question that instantly grounds you when you're triggered: “What else in my environment is interesting right now?”    How to finally stop the cycle of white-knuckling, slipping, and starting over again This episode is for you if you want to: Quit porn for good Overcome habitual porn use Break free from compulsive sexual behaviors Stop relapse before it happens Build emotional and mental tools to master their porn recovery journey If you're ready to stop fighting against your urges and finally start understanding and resolving them at the root, this episode will give you the clarity and tools you’ve been missing.

2 Okt 20min

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes:   Sexual intimacy is often times badly damaged after discovering a pornography addiction.  There are fears, feelings of inadequacy, triggers, and painful feeling that go along with intimacy as a result of pornography use. In this episode I'll share with you three ways you can improve your intimacy, how to handle triggers, and ways to have conversations together that actually are productive and bring some closure and reassurance.

25 Sep 24min

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes: Struggling with porn urges that seem to come out of nowhere? This episode breaks down the real reason why willpower isn’t working — and why understanding the root cause of your porn addiction is the only way to create real, lasting change. You’ll learn how to identify what’s actually driving the urge — whether it’s stress, loneliness, boredom, emotional pain, or habit. Because not every urge is the same. And if you're trying to fix all of them with the same tool, you're probably staying stuck. We’ll walk through the 3 types of porn triggers — emotional, habitual, and physical — and how to tell the difference. Most importantly, you'll learn how to apply the right tool for the right trigger so you can finally stop feeling powerless.   This Episode Covers: The truth about what’s underneath most porn urges Why “just stop” never works for long The difference between an emotional trigger and a habit loop How to know when it’s real sexual desire vs. escape Why understanding the root cause is the fastest path to freedom How to map out your personal porn addiction pattern Tools to interrupt the urge and get back in control Why some guys stay stuck in relapse cycles (and how to break out)

18 Sep 20min

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes:   Whenever there is a struggle with porn addiction, there's often dishonesty. And that is one of the most damaging elements to a marriage, but if you are going to eliminate it completely, you must understand the reason why it's continuing to happen. Lying is a symptom of something deeper, and once you discover it and get the tools to resolve it, the dishonesty goes away. In this episode I share with you some tools for both him and her in order to remove any blocks that make being honest difficult.

11 Sep 22min

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes: This episode is about what happens when a husband has stopped using porn, is trying to do better, but his wife still doesn’t trust him. He says the right things. He tries to be supportive. But she’s triggered, shut down, or angry — and nothing he says seems to help. This is a common part of porn addiction recovery in marriage. Even when the behavior stops, the pain doesn’t go away right away. Wives often carry deep fears after porn use, and their nervous systems stay on high alert. In this episode, listeners will learn why that happens and what to do about it. What This Episode Covers: Why healing from porn addiction takes more than just quitting What happens when a wife feels emotionally unsafe, even if things are improving How betrayal trauma affects her body and reactions What to do (and not do) when she gets triggered Why trust won’t rebuild through words alone — but through consistent action How men can build real emotional safety in the relationship How women can begin to soften once they feel true change over time Real stories of couples rebuilding after porn addiction hurt their marriage

4 Sep 22min