I Kayaked Over an Alligator And Finally Understood My Trauma Response

In this episode, I’m taking you with me on a peaceful Florida river… right up to the moment my kayak bumped over what I thought was a floating log. Except it wasn’t a log. It was a massive mama alligator. But the most surprising part of the story isn’t the alligator. It’s what my brain did in the exact moment of danger.

Instead of panicking, screaming, or flipping into the water, my mind calmly told me, “Huh. I didn’t know alligators shed their skin like that.” This wasn’t denial. It wasn’t shock. It was dissociation — the brain’s built-in survival mechanism that protects you from overwhelming reality when you’re not safe enough to process it. This is exactly the same process that happens when you are dealing with covert narcissistic abuse.

In this episode, I break down:

• Why your brain lies to you in life-threatening or emotionally threatening moments

• How dissociation works inside the nervous system during fight-or-flight

• Why my body reacted instantly but my mind couldn’t accept what I was seeing

• How this exact same process happens in covert narcissistic abuse

• Why survivors don’t “see the truth” until after they’re safe

• How the brain comes back online once danger is over

• What completing the stress cycle looks like in real healing

The alligator story is funny now — but what it reveals about trauma responses is powerful.
If you’ve ever wondered why you stayed, why you froze, or why you couldn’t see the abuse clearly until later, this episode will finally make sense of it. Your brain wasn’t failing you. It was saving you.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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