Relax, Arouse, Climax, Ride the Guided ASMR Journey of Pleasure

**Shame doesn't just make you feel bad, it fundamentally shapes how you experience your own body and desires.** Returning guest Dr. Alison Ash breaks down exactly why shame is so destructive to sexual wellness. Unlike guilt (which says you did something wrong), shame tells you that *you yourself* are wrong, creating a deep fear of rejection that literally dysregulates your nervous system. This isn't something we're born with. It develops through early experiences where we internalize negative reactions, eventually becoming that harsh inner critic voice. The contradictory messages are especially confusing: women should look desirable but not actually desire, while men should always be sexually available yet their desire is somehow dangerous. These cultural and religious influences create confusion that conscious rejection alone can't fix. Here's where it gets interesting: empathy is shame's antidote. When someone truly accepts you without judgment, healing becomes possible. (This is why finding sex-positive communities matters so much.) Dr. Aly explains how even BDSM can be healing for trauma survivors through consensual power exchange—reclaiming control over experiences where they previously had none. What if the fantasies or interests that make you feel broken are actually completely normal? Ready to understand the difference between your own feelings and society's expectations? This conversation offers practical strategies for recognizing shame's sources and reclaiming your agency. Estimated Timeline: 00:00:00 - Moving Through Shame and Sexual Wellness 00:02:09 - Guilt vs Shame: Understanding the Inner Critic 00:04:47 - Inner Shame and Sexuality's Cultural Conditioning 00:08:56 - Shame's Impact on Sexual Pleasure and Embodiment 00:10:48 - Shame, Empathy, and Healing Through Connection 00:14:33 - Power Exchange as Healing and Shame Reframing 00:17:43 - Reading Fiction as Healing and Normalization 00:19:14 - Shame Prevents Us From Enjoying Pleasure 00:21:33 - Building Trust Through Gradual Vulnerability 00:26:02 - Understanding Sexual Non-Concordance and Shame 00:28:45 - Unpacking Body Shame Through Conversation 00:32:56 - Lubrication Myths and Sexual Shame 00:35:17 - Being Selective About Who You Share With 00:37:09 - Sex Toys as Tools, Not Shame 00:41:12 - Internet's Role in Community and Identity 00:44:00 - Building Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Dr. Alison Ash, aka Dr. Aly, is a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. As a sociologist with a PhD from Stanford, she has a comprehensive understanding of the complex societal challenges that often lead to unsatisfying and disempowering intimate experiences. She designs workshops, courses, and retreats and offers individuals and couples coaching to give others the tools to be able to cultivate and sustain nourishing emotional and sexual intimacy. Dr. Aly invites you to TurnON pleasure, intimacy and love at www.TurnON.love  Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills online course on Tues, Jan 27th-Mar 17th We all receive messages about who we are supposed to be, how we ought to feel, and how we should express ourselves, often enforced through shame and disconnection. Featuring 8 classes with a woven balance of science-based data, embodied exploration, and skills development designed to support you in creating, deepening, and sustaining sexual and emotional intimacy in your relationship(s). Recordings available for those who can't attend live or want extra review. Super early bird tickets available now for $200-$400 off! Coaching:   Last but not least, reach out to Dr. Aly for individual, couples, and ENM coaching support!    All links: www.TurnON.love  Sustainable Intimacy Retreat: https://www.turnon.love/sustainable-intimacy-retreat Sustainable Intimacy On Demand Rental: https://www.turnon.love/sustainable-intimacy SEIS course: https://www.turnon.love/sexual-and-emotional-intimacy-skills Coaching: https://www.turnon.love/sex-and-intimacy-coaching

5 Joulu 50min

Age Gap Excerpt from John Gives His Wife Hot Adventures. This is a short excerpt from the book because the podcast host platform is now censoring me, after five years of being fine with my content. I will be looking for a new host platform that doesn't censor love and romance. We should all be fighting for our rights to free speech. Censorship comes in many forms, like this where they are de-platforming me. Never stop fighting for the right to free speech from the First Amendment of the United States. Protect the First Amendment! Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

2 Joulu 17min

Episode 695: From Threesomes to Non-Monogamy: One Man's Journey Beyond Jealousy and Shame with author Adam Darrow about his edgy, honest, and raw memoir "Seek the Risk" (affiliate link) https://amzn.to/3KrboVR When Adam Darrow met Jane at forty, he thought he was the adventurous one. After all, he'd spent his twenties competing in extreme sports and had explored threesomes—that made him pretty edgy, right? Then Jane, a PhD psychologist who spoke five languages, told him she didn't do boyfriends (and she meant it). Drawing from his background in extreme sports, Darrow spent two and a half years transitioning into non-monogamy, followed by three challenging years of emotional work before finding equilibrium. The journey wasn't easy. When Jane publicly announced their arrangement on Facebook in 2009, Darrow watched his life wildly transform. His best friend called him derogatory names. But over time, he discovered something unexpected: jealousy could be channeled into motivation to become a better partner. What initially felt emasculating became an opportunity to overcome deep-seated insecurities like imposter syndrome and validation-seeking. His memoir chronicles this transformative experience through vulnerable storytelling that includes explicit extreme sexual details and uncomfortable emotional truths, as well as healing and growth. How did keeping emotions bottled up nearly break him? The book explores that question while advocating for moving beyond societal shame around sexuality, relationship conformity, and focusing on personal authenticity rather than rigid beliefs about relationships. Estimated Timeline:  Adam Darrow's Journey Into Non-Monogamy 00:03:40 - PhD Psychologist with Unconventional Past 00:06:43 - Extreme Sports Skills Applied to Non-Monogamy 00:09:13 - Separating Sex from Emotion in Relationships 00:19:57 - Managing Jealousy Through Don't Ask, Don't Tell 00:22:26 - From Jealousy to Compersion in Open Relationships 00:25:11 - Breaking Through Shame and Choosing Each Other 00:28:42 - Walking the Beach: Questioning My Limits, book excerpt 00:33:17 - Understanding Nesting Couples and Non-Monogamy 00:39:43 - Letting Go of Control in Relationships 00:46:22 - Vulnerability and Authenticity in Memoir Writing 00:51:51 - Writing the Book and Her Reaction 00:58:17 - Identity Beyond Sexual Acts, sexuality 01:06:44 - Overcoming Jealousy Through Personal Growth 01:11:27 - Healthy vs Unhealthy Jealousy in Relationships Connect with Adam Darrow:  Link to the books website  www.seektherisk.net Substack seektherisk.substack.com Email for folks to contact Adam at adam@seektherisk.net insta:   @seektherisk Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

28 Marras 1h 19min

Episode 693: Ruan does erotic fiction improv, spinning a sexy spicy hot story right off the top of her head roleplaying, getting into playing the character of Maria, a new hotwife. Maria is the new hotwife that Harry, her Daddy Dom has gotten her interested in being. Once Maria agrees to trying out the free-use hotwife role, Daddy sets up a party with all of his friends. Maria is very excited and slips on the sheer pink lingerie dress Daddy picked out for her. As she says, "It's like swiss cheese!" There's a perfectly delicious reason for this! Daddy gets a pre-party treat from Maria's mouth. Maria explores her humiliation and free use kinks. Pleasure abounds! But in the end, it's Daddy's turn to reclaim his sub and make her 'his sub' again. Oh the sheer luscious deliciousness! Enjoy this power exchange Dom/sub hotwife story I created right off the top of my head... it's erotic improv sex scene time again--so all you grammar police take a hike! This was live narration and damn did I have fun! Spicy fiction to heat up your ears in a flash! Ge your wife sharing fetish met, kinky vibes! A friends with benefits story, free use party style! Black Friday to Cyber Monday sale on Ruan's site! Get ebooks, signed paperbacks, and audiobooks for 50% OFF! Sale runs from 11/25/25 to 12/2/25 https://payhip.com/RuanWillowBooks $0.99 cents ebooks on sale https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/ninetyninecentsbookssales Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

25 Marras 28min

Episode 692: People pleasers and all people listen up! Surprisingly, boundaries don't push people away, they actually strengthen connection. Dr. Alison Ash returns to unpack sexual boundaries, especially for those who struggle to say no. Boundaries aren't just about your values; they're about your capacity, the fluctuating energy and resources available to you based on sleep, stress, and nervous system regulation. When you're dysregulated and operating outside your window of tolerance, you become reactive and frustrated. (Most of us consistently overestimate what we can handle.) Dr. Aly shares a practical three-part formula for setting boundaries that helps others feel heard rather than rejected. Key Takeaways: • Boundaries aren't selfish, they're based on your actual capacity, which fluctuates daily based on sleep, stress, and nervous system regulation, making them a realistic necessity rather than a character flaw. • The "window of tolerance" explains why you get reactive. When dysregulated, you become irritable and struggle to enforce boundaries, so managing your nervous system is as important as stating your limits. • Healthy boundaries actually filter out unhealthy relationships, meaning people who respect your "no" strengthen the relationship, while those who don't reveal incompatibility, not rejection of them as people. Discussion topics; Sexuality, sexual health, sexual wellness, relationships, mental health Understanding Your Capacity and Setting/maintaining Healthy Boundaries without guilt and while maintaining connection  Feeling Safe Saying No Builds Trust Understanding Trauma and Nervous System Dysregulation Managing Trauma Response Through Nervous System Care Communication and Pacing in Exploring Kink Substance Use and Consent in Sexual Exploration Learning From Past Experiences and Building Intimacy Skills Sex Gets Better With Age and Confidence Connect with Dr. Aly: Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills online course on Tues, Jan 27th-Mar 17th We all receive messages about who we are supposed to be, how we ought to feel, and how we should express ourselves, often enforced through shame and disconnection. Featuring 8 classes with a woven balance of science-based data, embodied exploration, and skills development designed to support you in creating, deepening, and sustaining sexual and emotional intimacy in your relationship(s). Recordings available for those who can't attend live or want extra review. Super early bird tickets available now for $200-$400 off! Last but not least, reach out to Dr. Aly for individual, couples, and ENM coaching support!http://www.turnon.love/ Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

21 Marras 51min

Ep 690: MFF Waking to His Alarm Cock, The Bed Scene, written by podcast host, and author, Ruan Willow, narrated by Ruan Willow and Motorboatin' Matt, an erotica excerpt from a hot short story. Waking to His Alarm Cock, A FFM Erotic Story. One night, Zane, his high school sweetheart Maria, and Lissa fall into bed together and fall asleep after hot threesome sex. That event launched them into a sexy triad and no one wants it to end. In fact, they wanted it to strengthen. The problem is, they'd need to hide their relationship from their daughter and the elementary school because Lissa is a kindergarten teacher there, and their daughter's teacher. They wake up when Zane's morning wood announces that it's time to have sex again. Who needs an alarm clock when he's got an alarm cock? Lissa starts it off and the three fall into a lust-filled, and very hotly satisfying morning. Enjoy this short fiction story of erotic fiction, erotic romance, and group fun! Sexuality at it's best, a threeway love fest! Read how this throuple met in the excerpt in the anthology, The Best Bi Erotica of the Year, Volume 2 https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thebestbieroticaoftheyear Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

18 Marras 11min

Ep 689:  Dive into the world of hot spicy monster romance with Ruan Willow and special guest Cassandra Medcalf, a talented author and audiobook narrator. In this episode, they explore the intricacies of writing romance, the allure of monsters, and the creative process behind bringing characters to life. Cassandra reads an excerpt from "The Kraken's Castaway".  Her book is a cozy yet steamy monster romance that intertwines with Greek mythology and explores themes of love, vulnerability, and acceptance. Discover how Cassandra's characters navigate the challenges of their unique worlds in "Milking with the Minotaur", including a human mother and her Minotaur son, and how their intertwined fates lead to unexpected connections.  Ruan and Cassandra discuss the importance of representation in romance, the evolution of indie publishing, and the joy of creating stories that resonate with readers. This episode highlights the beauty of storytelling and the importance of community in the creative process. Whether you're a fan of romance, fantasy, or simply love a good story, listen and enjoy! Key Highlights: • Cassandra's journey as a romance author and audiobook narrator • Insights into the world of monster romance and its appeal • The creative process behind "Milking with a Minotaur" and its connection to Greek mythology • The importance of representation and diversity in storytelling • The evolving landscape of indie publishing and the power of community **Want to support Cassandra's Kickstarter for Milking with a Minotaur?** Check out the link below for more information! Estimated Timeline:  00:00:00 - Welcome and Introduction 00:01:45 - Meet Cassandra Metcalfe 00:04:30 - Excerpt Reading from "The Kraken 's Castaway" 00:10:15 - The Appeal of Monster Romance 00:15:00 - Writing and Narrating: A Dual Journey 00:20:00 - Representation in Romance 00:25:00 - Indie Publishing Insights 00:30:00 - Closing Thoughts and Support Links Connect with Cassandra: http://cassandramedcalf.com/ Kickstarter: Milking with a Minotaur Topics: Narration Indie Authors Writing Process Character Development Romance Tropes Spicy Storytelling Creative Community Kickstarter Sexual Expression Monster Romance Books: (affiliate links) The Kraken's Castaway https://amzn.to/3M2BD5i Bride of the Kraken: An MFFM Dark Monster Romance https://amzn.to/4oFRpSj Milking the Minotaur, coming soon! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/892606232/milking-with-the-minotaur-a-minotaur-romance-prequel?ref=bf2nxu Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

14 Marras 1h 31min

Ep 687: Tune in for a fantasy immersion experience... Fantasies are yours alone, and that's exactly how they should be. Explore the deeply personal nature of our inner worlds in this episode, reminding us that what happens in our imagination requires no permission from anyone. Ruan makes it clear that fantasies—even unconventional or dark ones—are harmless mental experiences that belong entirely to you. Throughout the episode, Willow emphasizes pleasure as a birthright. (Because really, who gets to decide what brings you joy?) She guides listeners to resist shame and guilt, recognizing that these mental scenarios can be revisited, changed, or completely abandoned whenever you choose. But here's the key distinction she draws: while fantasies need no consent, real-life activities absolutely do. How often do we forget that our imagination can be a legitimate form of self care? The episode frames mental pleasure-seeking as both valid relaxation and personal wellness. Willow encourages embracing what feels good without judgment, essentially giving permission to explore your own mind freely. It's about claiming your inner space, about recognizing that your thoughts are truly your own domain. **Ready to reclaim your imagination?** Tune in to discover why your fantasy life deserves zero apologies and why you deserve emotional release that celebrates your self worth. Estimated Timeline:  00:00:00 - Welcome to Ruan Willow Podcast 00:02:08 - Relaxation and Fantasy Preparation Guide 00:03:41 - Creating Intimate Fantasy and Connection 00:05:06 - Intimate Physical Connection and Arousal 00:07:36 - Intimate Sensory Experience and Fantasy 00:08:41 - Intimate Physical Connection, intimacy, sexuality 00:10:21 - Multiple Orgasms and Pleasure Building 00:11:33 - Using Pleasure Toys Together 00:12:42 - Fantasies, Pleasure, and Consent 00:14:48 - Embrace Your Right to Daily Pleasure 00:15:21 - Pleasure is Your Birthright, self help and relationships Beach House Views Preorder: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/beachhouseviewsbook Preorder the signed paperback and get swag! https://www.thewellreddamsel.com/product/-pre-order-power-plays-signed-copy-paperback-/D3V7GJLZAUS4W7XOQZID5GGQ Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

11 Marras 17min