EP202 - Keep That Gun in the Holster, Cowboy! with Jeff Abraham

Welcome to episode 11 of the Sexology Podcast, today I’m going to talk about 4 myths around sex that I see are very common in my practice. Originally, I wanted to do 13 myths to tie in with the Persian new year but that might have taken a little while to record… So the myths I have chosen are the ones I hear most frequently in my practice, and I hope this episode will shed some light and truth on these myths.   In this episode, you will hear:   Myth 1 – Penis size dictates a woman’s sexual pleasure   The average penis size when erect is around 13cm or anywhere between 9 – 16cm In inches, the average size is from 4.7 to 5.1 inches How the medias idea of 7 inches being the average size is wrong How shame and anxiety come into play because of this myth Research shows that the size of a penis has no true physiological effect on female sexual satisfaction The importance around the perceived size of a man’s penis How men who perceive their penis to be small suffer from sexual confidence Feeling comfortable and confident with your body and penis size to have a good sex life   Myth 2 – How masturbation has destructive consequences physiologically and mentally   Research shows that 60 – 94% of men have masturbated at least once, with 40 – 60% having done it in the last month 43 – 85% of women have masturbated at least once, with 20 – 43% having done it in the last month There’s no known negative consequences physiologically or mentally from masturbation Studies have shown it helps in knowing one’s own needs for sexual pleasure, increased autonomy and body integrity improving self-esteem How the myths of masturbation date back to the 17th century How the majority of people continue masturbating when in a committed relationship   Myth 3 – Men are obsessed with sex and women don’t think about it   There’s no data to support the idea that men think about sex every 7 seconds How this myth puts pressure on men to be overly sexual   Myth 4 – Vaginal sex is the best way for women to reach orgasm   How Freud invented the term “Vaginal Orgasm” without scientific basis Most women can’t reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, they need clitoris stimulation and other kinds of stimulation to reach orgasm How men can get frustrated because they can’t make women reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone     Resources http://oasis2care.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

23 Maalis 201724min

Welcome to episode 10 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Emily Nagoski. In this episode, Emily talks about the dual control model and how sex works in the brain, how attachment with our partners affects our sex life and the societal factors that affect women’s sexuality. Emily is the author of the New York Times bestseller, COME AS YOU ARE: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Simon & Schuster, 2015). She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a Master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She also has a B.A. in Psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy, from the University of Delaware. While at IU, Emily worked as an educator and docent at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction. She also taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education.  Emily is also the author of three guides for Ian Kerner’s GoodInBed.com: The Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Man, The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, and A Scientific Guide to Successful Relationships, as well as both author and narrator of Come as You Are. A sex nerd among sex nerds, Emily has the lowest Erdős number of any sex educator in the world. She lives in western Massachusetts with two dogs, two cats, and a cartoonist. She’s funnier in real life (and hardly ever speaks in the third person). In this episode, you will hear:   The dual control model and how sex works in the brain The concept of break and accelerators Sexual relevancy and the importance of context How it’s easier to change our external environments rather than internal Figuring out how to turn of the things that are hitting our sexual brakes Eating disorders; the struggle with self-image How the shame around body shape and size is more harmful than the fat itself Learning to love your partner as their body naturally changes How attachment with our partners affects our sex life Why your brain thinks sex is more exciting at the start of a new relationship Learning to be close with your partner whilst still sexually attracted Societal factors that affect women’s sexuality The taboo of women who love sex, e.g being called a slut Why we shouldn’t live up societies standards for our sexual accelerators and brakes Resources http://www.thedirtynormal.com http://emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are https://twitter.com/emilynagoski Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

14 Maalis 201729min

Welcome to episode 09 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Dr. Sandra LaMorgese. In this episode, Sandra speaks about how she made her journey into BDSM at the age of 55, misconceptions around the BDSM community and turning openness and vulnerability into a source of empowerment. Sandra is an author, speaker, and CEO of Attainment Studios, a sex positive business directory website designed to bring together members of the sex-positive community, and for finding solutions for your professional and personal needs. She is an expert in communications, life transformation, authentic living, health, wellness, and intimacy. Sandra is also an internationally featured Huffington Post blogger, a regular writer for Arianna Huffington’s new health and wellness platform Thrive Global, and among the top 10% of writer on Medium in 2016. She was listed as having the “Coolest Job in NYC” by Thrillist NYC, and her interview and photo shoot with Huffington Post ‘15 Unbelievable Photos of A 60-Year-Old Dominatrix with Her Client‘ article made the ‘MOST SHARED’, WHAT’S HOT and ‘TRENDING’ lists on The Huffington Post in the United States and Australia.  Her recent book Switch: Time for a Change, is a memoir about how her later profession as a dominatrix ultimately allowed her to change her previously blind adherence to “the rules,” and to enter into a whole different kind of contract with a truer version of herself. Sandra was able to change her thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in order to embrace a passionate and fulfilled life. In this episode, you will hear: Sandra’s background and the different roles she’s had in her career How she made her journey into being a dominatrix at 55 years of age The relationship between vulnerability and authenticity How the internal changes we make to ourselves can impact our surroundings Exploring the unconscious through sexual play How Sandra becomes present and mindful in her BDSM sessions The importance of really connecting when being intimate Misconceptions around the BDSM community The dynamic of dominance and submission How people of power like to be a submissive in BDSM The connection between sexual energy and creativity The importance of trusting the process with BDSM Turning openness and vulnerability into a source of empowerment Giving a voice to our true self Overcoming boredom through excitement and curiosity   Resources http://sandralamorgese.com https://www.amazon.com/Sandra-Lamorgese-Ph-D/e/B01MCWCQZL https://twitter.com/SandraLaMorgese Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

7 Maalis 201740min

Welcome to episode 08 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Duane Osterlind. In this episode, Duane talks about the issues around sex addiction, how to recognize it, stages of recovery and what a healthy sexuality looks like afterwards.  As co-founder of NOVUS Mindful Life Institute, Duane Osterlind’s vision is to provide comprehensive care for individuals struggling with process addictions in the utmost confidential, comprehensive and caring environment to ensure clients feel safe and accepted with anticipation that recovery is possible. Duane has over eight years of experience as a therapist helping individuals find hope and healing. He received his Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from California State University, Long Beach. He has also trained with Patrick Carnes, P.hD., a leading expert in the treatment of sexual addiction issues and author of “Out of the Shadows”. He is a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT), and the Society of Sexual Health (SASH). MFT#44567 Duane’s clinical focus is on treating individuals and couples struggling with process addictions using a mindfulness and task centered approach. He facilitates the Men’s Sexual Addiction Process Group and well as a DBT group for individuals struggling with anxiety and depression. In this episode, you will hear:   If people should identify hyper sexual disorder as an addiction Recognizing and distinguishing someone with a diverse sexuality to sex addiction Looking at the compulsive nature of sex addiction The three main domains which identify people struggling with sex addiction Changes in the frequency of acting out behaviour Gender differences Distinguishing the difference between love and sex addiction Links between chemical and sexual addiction Difficulty in forming deep relationships The different stages of recovery The need to have more than just a couple of therapy sessions The process of healing through other group members Going through abstinence and becoming ready for a relationship What healthy sexuality looks like after addiction   The three circle plan and its use in therapy     Resources https://novusmindfullife.com https://theaddictedmind.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

28 Helmi 201729min

Welcome to episode 07 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Dr. Stacy. In this episode, she speaks to me about how she became involved in the work of sexual inhibition, the issues around boredom and losing interest in sex and the importance of communication. Dr. Stacy got into the field of Clinical Sexology because of her passion for helping people better connect and experience the best sexual intimacy with themselves or with their partner(s). She holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality in addition to a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. She is a member of WASC (World Association of Sex Coaching), including ACS (The American College of Sexologists) which shows that she has the earned top credentials in my field. She also has a BA in Psychology and is a Registered Diagnostic Medical Sonographer and Vascular Sonographer. She has been a consultant selling adult novelties since 2006 and has had the experience of reaching many men and women to educate them in a fun, positive approach to love, romance and all aspects of sexuality. Her education and own sexual journey and life experience enable her to help you move forward in a positive direction to face the challenges that may lie ahead and to achieve your goals. Coaching is designed to help women, men, of any sexual orientation or gender, address their concerns about sexuality, sexual function, and sexual expression. In this episode, you will hear: How Dr. Stacey became involved in the work of sexual inhibition The definition of sex inhibition Boredom and the issue of losing interest in sex The factors that lead to people developing sex inhibition How there is two kinds of inhibitive sex, primary and secondary Recommendations for women to overcome negative emotions Losing and re-kindling sexual desire in long-term relationships The importance of foreplay Navigating different levels of desire in a relationship How education through pornography can make things worse Gender differences around the issue of inhibition Communicating with your partner openly and positively about these issues   Resources http://www.drstacy.org https://www.facebook.com/DrStacySexCoach   Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

21 Helmi 201732min

Welcome to episode 06 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Dr. Lonnie Barbach. In this episode, Lonnie speaks to me about the issues surrounding female sexuality such as faking orgasms, the need for good communication and overcoming boredom to improve sex in a relationship.   Dr Barbach's work as a couple’s therapist for more than three decades and the publication of Going the Distance: Finding and Keeping Lifelong Love crafted with David Geisinger, Ph.D., her partner of 32 years, has defined her as an acknowledged expert on intimate relationships. She is skilled in a variety of treatment modalities in treating individuals and couples with problems ranging from anxiety and depression to parenting and communication issues.   Considered a pioneer in her field, her dozen books, translated into an equal number of languages, have sold over 4 million copies in the U.S. alone. She is a life member of the American Psychological Association and is currently Director of Content for Happy Couple, a quiz-style game that takes you from dating to building a healthy and sustainable relationship.   In this episode, you will hear:   The physiological aspects of a woman reaching an orgasm The need for a slow build up and feeling safe in the relationship Faking orgasms and teaching your partner that the wrong things are right Difficulties in finding good information and believing external standards Good starting points for couples exploring what they like to do sexually Studies which highlight what makes for a great relationship / marriage Issues around boredom, overworking and not prioritizing the relationship Importance of communication Things that hinder women to experience arousal How differences in amount of desire needed can affect a relationship How not being so goal oriented can improve the experience for most people Reading resources together to improve sex Why Lonnie created “Happy Couple” (A couple’s game app)   Resources http://www.happycouple.co http://www.lonniebarbach.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

14 Helmi 201728min

Welcome to episode 05 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Dr. Abigail Weissman. In this interview with Abi, she speaks to me about the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, how she began her work on gender identity and the importance of language and pronouns in this area.   Abigail "Abi" Weissman, Psy.D. (PSY 27497) is a feminist and lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, and queer, intersex, and questioning (LGBTQIQ)- affirming, polyamory - affirming, BDSM/kink - friendly, multiculturally competent, clinical psychologist who is warm, welcoming, and empowering with a wealth of clinical experience. She has a Master of Arts in Human Sexuality studies and a Doctorate and Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology. She hails from the East Coast by way of the Bay Area, CA. When not providing psychotherapy, training, or consultation, she can be found reading the latest research on queer sexuality, gender identity, and spending time with her family and friends. pronouns: she, her, hers In this episode, you will hear:   The difference between sexual orientation and gender identity How one’s internal sense of self is how you determine gender identity Association of politics in gender identity Working with teens, dealing with exploration What it means to have a gender that is neither male or female When people first notice their gender identity How gender identity can be discovered as young as two and half years of age Support parents can offer to children issues around gender identity; bullying etc Misconceptions around transgender women and men Barriers around surgery for transgender people The importance of use of language and pronouns in these issues     Resources http://www.doctorabi.com http://www.glsen.org Call - (619) 403-5578 Email - info@doctorabi.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

7 Helmi 201732min

Welcome to episode 04 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Dr. Lisa Wade. Lisa is an associate professor of sociology at Occidental College. In this conversation, Lisa talks in-depth about the history of hook up culture, its impact on sexual attitudes and relationships, motivations behind the culture and its long-term effects.   She is currently on leave and living in New Orleans, the place she calls home. Her newest book, American Hookup, is about the emergence and character of the culture of sex that dominates college campuses today. Before receiving her PhD in sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Lisa earned an MA in human sexuality from NYU and a BA in philosophy from the University of California-Santa Barbara.  Lisa has authored over a dozen academic research articles and a textbook on the sociology of gender. She also actively contributes to media, writing extensively for non-academic audiences and appearing on television and radio.   In this episode, you will hear:   How hook up culture is not an option but an imperative on college campuses The hierarchical structure, motivations being related to status How the structure is related more to heterosexual sex Differences between the genders around hook up culture How hook up culture satisfies male needs more than females needs The evolution that’s happening around the culture in the USA The history of college rioting, resulting in the first social fraternity being founded in Schenectady, New York in 1825. The cultural impact of the movie “Animal House” How raising the drinking age from 18 to 21 gave more power to fraternity’s The development of cities and their impact on a changing culture around sex The dynamical differences of hook up culture for young people not in college Long-term effects of hook up culture on attitudes towards sex and relationships   Resources http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30231781-american-hookup https://lisa-wade.com email: lwade@oxy.edu         Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

31 Tammi 201731min