Surrogate Partner Therapy: Sex, Healing, And Boundaries | Ep. 134

In this episode of Taboo To Truth, I sit down with surrogate partner and intimacy coach Brian Gibney to talk about what happens when touch, sex, and therapy meet. We walk through the origins of surrogate partner therapy, how it supports traditional talk therapy, and why it sits inside the world of sex work while still holding clear ethical boundaries. Brianan explains who seeks out this work, what sessions look like in real life, how attachment and feelings show up, and why sex itself often turns out to be a symptom rather than the real issue. We also talk about non-monogamy, money, how to vet an ethical surrogate partner, and Brian’s very expansive definition of sex.

Timestamps:

In This Episode:

00:00 - What if sex was part of your therapy

01:08 - What surrogate partner therapy is and why talk therapy hits a limit

03:42 - Masters and Johnson and the birth of surrogate partners

06:05 - Sex work, the “whorarchy”, and where surrogates sit in it

09:18 - How surrogate partner therapy differs from full service intimacy work

11:52 - The therapeutic triad: client, therapist, surrogate

13:40 - Who seeks this work: trauma, pain, cancer, disability, shame

17:05 - First sessions, nerves, and why the work starts with “hello”

19:40 - When clients expect something more and run the “checklist” for access

22:15 - Entitlement, hard conversations, and repeating old patterns

24:05 - Attachment, feelings, and why the “box” stays small

26:10 - Brian’s non monogamy and protecting his own relationships

28:30 - Boundaries to this work

30:35 - How to vet a legitimate surrogate partner and red flags

32:10 - Brian’s expansive definition of sex and why PIV is not the gold standard

34:00 - Final thoughts

Want a deeper look? Watch the full episode on YouTube for a more visual experience of today’s discussion. This episode is best enjoyed on video—don’t miss out!

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

About the Guest:

Over the course of his life, Brian has worn many hats: research scientist (BA, Molecular biology; Masters, Microbiology), teacher, professional artist, performer, and parent. The common thread that has run through all of those vocations has been his joy in learning, discovery, and improvement. In parallel with his professional life, He has also been keenly interested in interpersonal interactions, intimacy, and authenticity. These two facets have merged in his practice as a Surrogate Partner. He received his training in surrogate partner therapy from IPSA (the International Professional Surrogates Association) in 2016 and co-founded the Surrogate Partner Collective and Chair of AASECT’s Somatic S//xuality Professionals Special Interest Group.

Connect with Brian Gibney:

Website: https://www.briangibney.org

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brian_gibney_intimacy

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

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Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook.