Mistletoe & Minefields: Navigating the Holidays with Your Partner

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Meet Rachel Howell and Dr. Sarah Kyle

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

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