Signpost Parenting :: Ann Voskamp [Ep 395]

I know I should parent with grace (a.k.a. “unmerited favor”). But I struggle with how to combine grace & discipline. When a little guy smacks his brother upside the head, I don’t want to ignore it or explode over it. But I could use some help with alternative responses to be “my best when my kids are at their worst”. This week’s guest, Karis Kimmel Murray, grew up in the original grace-based home. Her father, Dr. Tim Kimmel, literally wrote the book on grace-based parenting.** As a mom to two girls, Karis knows the challenges of showing both unmerited favor and appropriate boundaries. Particularly since one of her daughters has been diagnosed with ADHD. (I adore reading parenting books by moms who get it!). In this episode Karis and I talk through some practical ways to approach misbehavior, like her “Basket Method” and “The 10 Year Rule”. “Those behaviors come from your child but they don’t define your child. It’s not who they are it’s what they are doing right now.” We also talk about discovering how each family member is wired, using their Kid’s Flag system. And being clear about the rules and expectations in your home. Not making household preferences on par with Biblical/moral law. Her analogy of being a calm “first responder” will stick with me. Fortunately, Karis has written all these tips and concepts down in a very relatable and hilarious guide called, “Grace-Based Discipline”. What we chat about: The 10-year rule The theology of parenting Legalism vs. License vs. Grace Karis’ fun “mathematician” analogy Handling discipline crises like first responders The Basket Strategy What does atonement have to do with discipline? What country flag does each family member fly? Clarifying family rules Differentiating household rules from moral/Biblical rules Karis’ daughter’s diagnosis of ADHD and how it impacted discipline The level of offense and the “sushi menu” of consequences Links Mentioned: Family Matters Ministry Grace-Based Discipline (Kindle version)** Grace-Based Discipline (hardback) Grace-Based Parenting** by Dr. Tim Kimmel Kids Flag Page Karis’ Facebook page and Instagram **Amazon Affiliate Link

27 Tammi 20171h 6min

“God didn’t give me a child so I could tell Him exactly my expectations of how that child should be. You have to say ‘God show me how to love the child you gave me and how to release him within his limitations and personalities into their world as a healthy human being.'” -Sally Clarkson. You’ve heard Sally come on the podcast and share how to own your life (Ep 54) and how to create a life-giving home (Ep 107). Today she’s back on the show with her adult son, Nathan Clarkson. This time we’re talking about learning to love our kids’ outside-the-box differences. Trusting mom intuition and believing God uniquely designed each of our kids for a purpose. Sally and Nathan share stories from his childhood. And offer helpful tips for casting vision over your children.  I found Sally’s thoughts on holding ideals but letting go of expectations very helpful. “Give up expectations. But lead family to ideals. Don’t give up on ideals. They are shaping the core of your children’s values.” Thankfully Sally and Nathan have written a much-needed resource on this topic, “Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him.” ** What we chat about: When you start to notice your child is different (Sally) When the child begins to notice he/she may be different (Nathan) When you want to sympathize & parent inner needs but told to discipline external behavior. Creating a space allowing your child to be themselves and belong. How Jesus treated people differently with the same love. How to cast vision over your children. How to turn differences into superpowers. Creating rhythms in your home. Holding ideals while letting go of expectations. How differences impact family dynamics. Orchestrating breaks for moms of children with differences. Things that helped Nathan as a teenager who knew he was different. Links Mentioned: “Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him.” ** The Lifegiving Home ** “Did you not know that it is the kindness and mercy of God that leads to repentance.” Romans 2:4 **Amazon Affiliate Link

23 Tammi 201755min

Friendships can be tricky. Then throw in our own weaknesses and insecurities. . .oi vey! Today’s guest, Renee Swope, openly wrote about her self-doubt struggles in the book, “A Confident Heart”**. After 20 years serving with the Proverbs 31 ministry, Renee knows a thing or to about the joys and complexities of female relationships. In this episode she shares the value found in embracing her “lack” and inviting others into her life. Renee answers questions like, “How do you find ‘good’ friends willing to accept your mess?” And “Where are the older women offering help and wisdom?” And “In our modern era how does self-sufficiency hinder community?” If you are looking for more on community, Renee wrote about one of 30 friendship topics covered in the new book, “Craving Connection”**. So many of women I love are sharing their friendship stories, offering camaraderie and hope. Co-authors include: Lisa-Jo Baker (Ep 21), Crystal Stine (Ep 10), Stacey Thacker (Ep 76), Eryn Hall, Erin Mohring, Kristen Strong (Ep 97),  Amanda White (Ep 3, 17, 27, 36, 79), and Jennifer Dukes Lee (Ep 18). What we chat about: How the international adoption of her daughter shaped her older sons. Renee’s journey into speaking/writing with Proverbs 31 ministry the past 21 years. How to know when to put something aside or move forward confidently. Renee’s internal battle of self-doubt and insecurity. The question we ask ourselves when someone asks, “How are you?”. Ways to get passed insecurity in our friendships. How processing feelings with others help hard situations lose their weight. Finding real good friends by being the friend they need. A challenge to older moms to make the invitation to younger moms. How self-sufficiency can hinder community. Links Mentioned: Proverbs 31 Ministry “A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises” ** Craving Connection : 30 Challenges for Real-Life Engagement** Sally Clarkson’s Momheart ministry and conference

17 Tammi 201753min

Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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