Space for Grace

Intro

• The blog that this episode is based off of was written in my notes app on my phone the other day while I was making protein waffles and my dog Lulu was staring up at me hoping for me to drop one, and this was a reminder once again that as a mom I do things differently and when I can, even if it’s not while sitting at a desk

• My saying is, “if you want something done ask a mom to do it” because we have so many things that we’re constantly juggling, yes, but that’s actually our strength because we’re the ones that will find a way to get it all done. Someway, somehow.

Babble

• So let’s get into it. This blog is titled Space for Grace, originally it was going to be called Room for Grace and even though it sounded like it would be the name of a 90s sitcom or a trendy Denver bar I was going to go with it until I decided I liked a rhyme better. Anyway, the other night I was spending time with friends and now I couldn’t even tell you exactly what it was that I said but after the hangout I was beating myself up for saying something in an imperfect way, and honestly now I couldn’t even tell you exactly what I said (that’s how insignificant it was) and this quickly took me down a spiral of worrying about what they thought and being hard on myself for not thinking through every little thing I said.

• As I battled my inner critic, a little voice in my heart challenged me to see things differently. Now, I want to add a note here that we often think of storytelling in the sense of stories others have told us or that we have shared with others, but let me remind you that we are constantly telling ourselves stories about who we are, what others think, maybe even anxious made up stories about the future that really we don’t even know if they will or will not happen. Anyway, instead of fixating on what I said wrong and catastrophizing how my friends must have judged me, I flipped the story from one based in fear and criticism to one of compassion and opportunity. What if I gave myself some grace? What if this time where I was “imperfect” is a chance to grow in love and understanding? When we say things incorrectly, or words fly out of our mouth quicker than we can catch them, or our actions don’t align with our values, this is the Space for Grace. The place where we can forgive ourselves, remember that our intentions are pure, and the next time someone says or does something that hurts us, we can come back to this space for grace because our own mistakes remind us to see the humanity in others when they make mistakes.

• As a psychology nerd I also want to add in a reminder about a concept called The Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE), which is a cognitive bias where individuals tend to overemphasize internal factors (character, personality) and underestimate external factors (circumstances) when explaining the behavior of others. In essence, it's the tendency to attribute someone's actions to their inherent disposition rather than considering situational influences. So, the next time you say or do something that you’re not proud of, of course be accountable for it, but also take this concept into account. The same goes for others, the next time someone cuts you off in traffic remember that maybe it has less to do with them being a jerk and perhaps maybe they have an emergency, their wife is in labor, or maybe they really need to use the restroom.

Spark/Takeaway

• The spark that I want to leave with you all today is to practice compassion, gentleness, and forgiveness both for yourself and for others, because when you can offer it to yourself it becomes easier to offer it to others