Gaslighting with Dr. Deborah Vinall

The term "gaslighting" is becoming more commonly used as people come to understand the psychological impact. It is important to identify the techniques used by someone to maintain an unhealthy relationship so you can avoid it or change it.

Today's guest is Dr. Deborah Vinall. Dr. Vinall is not only a licensed marriage and family therapist, but also a doctor of psychology. She is a certified trauma therapist that uses EMDR and brain spotting. Dr. Vinall is the author of Gaslighting: A Step by Step Recovery Guide to Heal From Emotional Abuse and Building Healthy Relationships.

Show Notes:

• [1:18] - Dr. Vinall explains why she wrote her recent book as gaslighting is something a lot of people experience but don't understand.
• [2:42] - What is gaslighting? Dr. Vinall gives an example.
• [3:18] - Gaslighting can happen anywhere and with anyone.
• [4:06] - There are different types of gaslighting that range from fully calculated to more defensive in nature.
• [5:01] - Many people exhibit gaslighting at some point in their lives, but patterns are when things get problematic.
• [6:19] - Insecurity is one reason many people tend to gaslight.
• [7:29] - What are some signs for pattern gaslighters?
• [8:22] - Pattern gaslighters are often very charming in public but are much different behind closed doors.
• [10:00] - What is "normal" and what is problematic? Look inside and see how you feel around this person.
• [11:03] - Dr. Vinall gives tips on how to manage situations where it is a co-worker that you can't make a break from.
• [12:53] - When confronted, pattern gaslighters may dismiss accusations or could "fly off the handle."
• [13:49] - In relationships, gaslighters tend to move very fast.
• [15:22] - In cases where relationships are deeply connected, Dr. Vinall suggests reaching out to a lawyer. She also discusses the impact of violence escalation.
• [18:02] - There is a distinction between occasional gaslighting and chronic pathological gaslighting.
• [19:39] - Try some different strategies in the workplace and think of an exit plan in case a change is needed.
• [21:12] - Journaling is an excellent tool to help you release and sort through your thoughts and can also be used later to confirm to yourself that you are not crazy.
• [22:58] - A red flag of gaslighting is someone trying to pull you away from your support system and external relationships.
• [24:11] - It's important to grieve the loss of a relationship and all the things that go with it.
• [25:26] - Notice your self-talk. You can start internalizing the negative talk that you hear from someone who gaslights you.
• [27:19] - Being a gaslighter may be difficult to overcome as there's something deeper going on and you must want to heal.
• [28:07] - Take your time in a relationship and listen to your intuition.
• [29:49] - Figuring out your boundaries for those in your life who you don't want to cut out.

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• Gaslighting: A Step by Step Recovery Guide to Heal From Emotional Abuse and Building Healthy Relationships by Dr. Deborah Vinall
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