489: Meet Richard Lam, Master TEAM CBT Teacher and Therapist

Meet Richard Lam-- Master TEAM CBT Teacher and Therapist!

Today we chat with Richard Lam. Richard is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Mountain View, California. He is a graduate of Palo Alto University. He currently provides short-term therapy for anxiety, OCD, habits/addictions, depression, and relationship concerns using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Richard also trains other therapists in David Burn's model of CBT called TEAM-CBT Therapy. He is a certified Level 5 Master Therapist and Trainer in TEAM-CBT Therapy.

And today, Richard has gifts for you! They are fantastic! See below!

I began by asking Richard how he got interested in teaching. When he was first learning, he was tutored by Dr. Angela Krumm, an advanced TEAM CBT practitioner and one of the three founders of the Feeling Good Institute. He was loving the training, but one day she said, "That's all I can teach you. Now you have to start teaching!"

And that started the wagon rolling down the hill. Richard is particularly interested in developing free self-help tools for patients, but also runs a special training class for TEAM CBT therapists who themselves want to become trainers. It meets in-person at the FGI office on Mondays from 12 to 2 PM. If interested, contact Richard (contact information is at bottom of show notes.)

Richard is one of our most articulate TEAM CBT teachers, and is renown for some of his live demonstrations of specific techniques, like Forced Empathy. He has created a series of multi-page interactive teaching guides for a variety of techniques, so you can learn exactly how to do the Double Standard Technique, or the Externalization of Voices in a simple, clear, step-ty-step manner. Here are links to several examples. Check them out and feel free to share them with your patients if you are a TEAM therapist.

These links are all kick ass! Check them out and do the exercises. You'll be glad you did!

• Link to Double Standard Technique
• Link to Externalization of Voices
• Link to Externalization of Resistance
• Link to I Feel Statements, Part 1
• Link to I Feel Statements, Part 2
• Link to Feared Fantasy
• Link to Forced Empathy
• Link to Forced Empathy Handout
• Link to Future Projection, for Habits
• Link to Paradoxical Ultimatum

Richard tells us that mental health works a lot like physical health. When we don't regularly care for our bodies, things start to deteriorate and the same is true for our minds. These tools give you a way to keep nurturing your mental health so you can maintain a strong, healthy mind.

Richard and I also discussed Acceptance--one of the most difficult concepts for patients and therapists alike to "get." I was delighted to learn he has a five-point plan to help people grasp this concept.

Richard's Five Steps to Acceptance

1. The Win-Win Principle: How can I see this loss as a win?

In high school, Richard had a patient whose heart was set on making the varsity basketball team, and was heartbroken when he only made the junior varsity team. But then he got to thinking that it would be fun to be the start on the JV team because his best friend is also going to be in JV. He relaxed and started to enjoy his practices with the team.

And

He was promptly promoted to the varsity team!

2. Remember the butterfly effect!

Richard described getting angry and frustrated when he was late for an important appointment, and the car in front of him was moving slowly and caused a delay at a red light. His first impulse was to get angry and insist it SHOULDN'T have happened. But then, in reflection, he thought: "Wait a minute. This delay will change the entire trajectory of the rest of my life. And who knows, this could have save my life from some future tragedy if the trajectory of my life had been on time."

3, Growth mindset

I have always thought of this important idea in simple terms. There is really no such "thing," from a Buddhist perspective, as "success" or "failure." These are just experiences. But often things do not turn out as one hoped. Instead of caving in, giving up, or feeling depressed or frustrated, although those are perfectly reasonable human experiences, you can accept your failure and view it as an opportunity for growth and learning. Our 9 month old grandson has reminded me that when we are learning to walk, we "fail" constantly, falling over, etc. But these are steps in learning that eventually culminates in the ability to walk--which is a miracle!

4. The spiritual view

Acceptance can be thought of as letting go of judgement. Richard treated a woman who was angry at God because she could not have children, and she had always dreamed of having a big family. But from a medical perspective, her anger and constant agitation were actually the main reason she couldn't get pregnant. Shen she began working on reducing her anger using TEAM CBT, she was able to relax, and accept her fate with greater in peace.

And then she suddenly got pregnant!

I, David, have seen this on many occasions. Check out Podcast #7f9, one of our most popular podcasts ever, with Daisy: "What is the Secret of a Meaningful Life?" Or Podcasts 268 - 269, featuring live work with our beloved Dr. Carly Zankman. Or #349: "What if my family rejects me?" All of these podcasts were amazing, and resulted in rapid pregnancies!

5. Empathy vs anger

Richard described getting VERY angry when someone broke into his car and stole a bunch of stuff, but then asked himself why they did it. He realized that they were probably struggling and desperate for money--for drugs, for food, for family. Understanding someone's story can help lower the anger that you feel.

Richard, Rhonda, and David