Writing Through the Pain: Martina Gruppo's Journey to Healing and Empowerment

In this powerful episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, host Avik Chakraborty welcomes Martina Gruppo, a newly published English author whose memoir sheds light on her decades-long entanglement with a covert narcissist. Martina shares her deeply personal journey of overcoming immense challenges, including infertility, cancer, and the psychological scars left by an abusive relationship. Through the transformative power of writing, Martina found not only peace but also the strength to reclaim her life. Join us as we explore how reliving trauma through storytelling can lead to healing and self-empowerment, offering hope and inspiration to those facing similar battles.----more----

00:04:05.370 --> 00:04:17.210
Avik Chakraborty: Hello! And welcome to another episode of healthy mind, healthy life, where we explore the deep and often difficult journeys of healing, resilience and self discovery.

52
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:26.900
Avik Chakraborty: I'm your host, awick. And today we are diving into the transmitive power of writing as a tool for overcoming the trauma.

53
00:04:27.180 --> 00:04:29.750
Avik Chakraborty: Our guest today is Martina

54
00:04:29.820 --> 00:04:31.499
Avik Chakraborty: so welcome to the show, Martina.

55
00:04:31.760 --> 00:04:34.749
Martina Gruppo: Hi, thank you very much for having me as a guest.

56
00:04:35.380 --> 00:04:42.139
Avik Chakraborty: Lovely, lovely, so, Martina, like, before we start our conversation today, I would quickly love to introduce you to all of our listeners that

57
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:54.663
Avik Chakraborty: the listeners. Martina is a newly published English author who has courageously shared her life story in her memoir. So her book Details

58
00:04:55.200 --> 00:05:01.309
Avik Chakraborty: the Decades she spent entangled with a covert narcissist.

59
00:05:01.330 --> 00:05:08.519
Avik Chakraborty: revealing how a lack of boundaries made her a prime target for this kind of abuse.

60
00:05:08.840 --> 00:05:23.189
Avik Chakraborty: So, despite facing the immense challenges from the infertility and the cancer to the psychological scars of an abusive relationships. Martina has continually

61
00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:24.300
Avik Chakraborty: big

62
00:05:24.490 --> 00:05:28.040
Avik Chakraborty: posted up and found the new strength.

63
00:05:28.870 --> 00:05:39.880
Avik Chakraborty: So she now lives south of Rome, running a successful B, 2 B teaching English online and managing a thriving airbnb.

64
00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:49.290
Avik Chakraborty: It's really awesome, right? So her story is one of the humor, heartbreak, and ultimately healing.

65
00:05:50.240 --> 00:06:04.079
Avik Chakraborty: So join us as we explore how, relieving her trauma through writing, not only brought Martina peace, but also empowered her to reclaim her life. So, without further ado, welcome again to the show. Martina.

66
00:06:04.420 --> 00:06:10.816
Martina Gruppo: Okay, thank you. That's quite an introduction. Thank you very much.

67
00:06:13.539 --> 00:06:14.199
Avik Chakraborty: Yeah.

68
00:06:14.630 --> 00:06:17.860
Martina Gruppo: So. Yes, sorry. Sorry. Sorry I didn't.

69
00:06:17.860 --> 00:06:27.140
Avik Chakraborty: Okay. So so, Martina, like I, I was reading your bio, and from there I have 2 things in my mind. So I thought like, I'll I'll I'll quickly

70
00:06:27.670 --> 00:06:46.759
Avik Chakraborty: discuss this while we are on the show. So so your memoir is deeply, deeply personal, and the raw so if you can share what initially inspired you to start writing about your experiences with the covert night narcissist.

71
00:06:48.039 --> 00:07:02.889
Martina Gruppo: Well, for me it was. It was a way of explaining what had happened, and initially I wasn't even interested in writing a book. It started out as a blog. A pretty angry

72
00:07:03.740 --> 00:07:32.149
Martina Gruppo: you know, an a an angry insight insightful because it was an also very present book that a blog that I was writing because I needed to try and understand what I'd actually been through for previous decade. And indeed, you know the time before that, and it started. It started out as just a way of writing down things, you know. Is this what happened? And then sort of seeing it for what it really was.

73
00:07:32.150 --> 00:07:45.829
Martina Gruppo: and the writing was helping me. I think I wrote about it in the book, see through, see things almost clearly. It was as if I was speaking another language. I was starting to understand what had actually happened to me.

74
00:07:46.210 --> 00:07:48.370
Martina Gruppo: and it was horrible.

75
00:07:48.380 --> 00:07:53.360
Martina Gruppo: really traumatic, because everything that you believe.

76
00:07:53.570 --> 00:07:53.970
Avik Chakraborty: Yeah.

77
00:07:53.970 --> 00:08:02.519
Martina Gruppo: That you had believed in for your entire life. Suddenly you see through, you see it clearly, and you see what it really is.

78
00:08:02.530 --> 00:08:28.070
Martina Gruppo: And gradually I through the writing I was expressing myself, and I was going through. It's like looking. I guess it's like looking at an album of photographs. Very old photographs and looking at them and thinking, Oh, gosh! I didn't remember. Oh, no, now I remember that. But you see something more clearly. I mean, it's not as pleasant as looking at photographs, because obviously the real, the realistic situation is that

79
00:08:29.190 --> 00:08:35.309
Martina Gruppo: is that what you thought you were living through was a lie basically.

80
00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:37.659
Avik Chakraborty: Understood. Understood.

81
00:08:38.070 --> 00:08:40.986
Avik Chakraborty: So okay. And and

82
00:08:42.380 --> 00:08:45.643
Avik Chakraborty: also, when we're talking about this. So

83
00:08:47.758 --> 00:08:56.061
Avik Chakraborty: writing often, I mean, writing can often be a kind of carthratic process. Right? So

84
00:08:56.870 --> 00:09:06.249
Avik Chakraborty: how did revisiting such painful memories impact you emotionally while you writing your book.

85
00:09:06.880 --> 00:09:16.469
Martina Gruppo: Well, it was interesting, because when I decided to actually write, start writing the book, I went right back to the very, very beginning of us, if you like, because.

86
00:09:16.670 --> 00:09:29.910
Martina Gruppo: you know, it seems to be very one sided when I was writing the book, but sorry when I was writing the blog. I was lashing out when I wrote the book. I had to start from a completely different perspective, because otherwise

87
00:09:30.280 --> 00:09:50.989
Martina Gruppo: how could anybody be convinced? In the same way I was convinced by him, unless they could see what I saw from the very beginning. So, even though it was painful to revisit that time, I had to show the reader why I fell for somebody like him. So that cathartic process started happening at the

88
00:09:51.560 --> 00:09:58.440
Martina Gruppo: very slowly at the beginning of writing the book because I had to describe who I was, and I guess

89
00:09:58.790 --> 00:10:11.160
Martina Gruppo: I guess in some way you take on a certain amount of responsibility because of the fact that you have lower boundaries, and that's the way they get in. When I say they, I mean sort of a narcissistic

90
00:10:11.220 --> 00:10:14.999
Martina Gruppo: person can invigo themselves into your life.

91
00:10:15.260 --> 00:10:23.919
Martina Gruppo: but there has to be a certain amount of allowance, because you have such low boundaries. Do you see what I mean? You know, in terms of

92
00:10:24.630 --> 00:10:46.600
Martina Gruppo: not being able to say no, not being, you know, being swayed by guilt, being open to brainwashing, emotional brainwashing in a way, I think you know. That's that's what happens. But you have to show the reader from the very start how and why you fell for such a thing, because it's almost unbelievable as you work your way through it.

93
00:10:47.640 --> 00:10:50.609
Avik Chakraborty: Exactly. That's very, very true. Yeah, yeah.

94
00:10:51.220 --> 00:11:07.379
Avik Chakraborty: And also at the same time, like you mentioned that the process of writing helped you establish those boundaries. So if you can also talk about this experience like shifted your ability to say no when something didn't feel right.

95
00:11:08.750 --> 00:11:12.719
Martina Gruppo: Yeah, that's that's I have to say, that's a work in progress.

96
00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:14.520
Avik Chakraborty: Yeah.

97
00:11:14.520 --> 00:11:15.910
Martina Gruppo: The very beginning.

98
00:11:15.910 --> 00:11:16.410
Avik Chakraborty: Hmm.

99
00:11:16.410 --> 00:11:41.450
Martina Gruppo: When when you're susceptible to this kind of abuse, I think it's because you tend to be a people pleaser, you want everything to be right, and they capitalize on that kind of thing. And also I think there's been quite a but it's age old, isn't it, that you don't put yourself first.st I think people are doing that more and more now, and certainly, you know, more recently in the new generations.

100
00:11:41.450 -->...