75. Ruthie Ackerman on The Mother Code

In this conversation, writer and author of The Mother Code, Ruthie Ackerman, shares her personal journey from being childfree to becoming a mother, exploring the complexities of motherhood, societal expectations, and the emotional struggles that accompany the decision to have children.

You'll hear Ruthie and Keltie discuss:

• How Ruthie decided to pursue motherhood in spite of her ambivalence, and being only 55% confident in her choice to have kids.
  
  
• How being from a long lineage of women who left their children, meant Ruthie was scared she would do the same.
  
  
• Why a difference of opinion about kids meant the end of her marriage, and how Ruthie navigated dating while pursuing motherhood.
  
  
• Ruthie's experiences with egg freezing, IVF, and egg donation.
  
  
• How Ruthie's book, The Mother Code, seeks to dismantle traditional notions of motherhood, while highlighting the ambivalence many women feel about motherhood.
  
  
• Why those who become mothers need to identify and create their own version of motherhood, rather than the versions that have been given to them.
  
  

(1:04) Meet Ruthie

(13:37) How "punishment" impacted her as a woman exploring this question

(17:30) Ruthie's divorce & dating in her late 30s while still unsure about motherhood

(27:17) "Maternal ambivalence is the norm"

(38:20) Reproductive biology's role in Ruthie's journey

(46:00) Ruthie's experience becoming a mother with the egg donor route

(53:38) Ruthie's reflections on motherhood as the mom of a 5 year old

As mentioned in the show:

Find Ruthie online at www.ruthieackerman.com

You can find her book, The Mother Code, all places that books are sold: ruthieackerman.com/the-mother-code

And on Instagram: www.instagram.com/ruackerman/


About Ruthie:

Ruthie began her writing career with a promise: to shine a light on the people, places, and ideas that are too often ignored. After a stint at the New York Times and a few years reporting on the economy for Forbes, she was awarded journalism fellowships to war-torn Liberia and Lebanon to showcase young people in both countries who were rebuilding their lives out of the ashes of destruction—and finding the resilience to push forward.

In the decade since, she has profiled game-changing entrepreneurs and social activists and written extensively about the professional and financial advancement of women. Ruthie wrote a piece for the New York Times Modern Love column about her own failed egg freezing. "Don't Put All Your (Frozen) Eggs in One Basket," which became the launching point for her memoir, The Mother Code: My Story of Love, Loss, And The Myths That Shape Us (May 2025, Penguin Random House), and shifted her focus from traditional reporting to personal stories.

She started Ignite Writers Collective in 2019 as a way to work with other writers at all stages of their careers, sharing her insights from years as an editor and writer. Her clients have gotten book deals, published essays, and found the bravery to share their stories with the world.

Ruthie's writing has been published in Vogue, Glamour, O Magazine, The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Salon, Slate, Newsweek, and more. Most recently, she was the Deputy Editor at ForbesWomen. She has a Master's in Journalism from NYU and lives in Brooklyn with her husband and their daughter. Ruthie's forthcoming memoir, The Mother Code, will be released in 2025 by Random House.

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