Why I Miss My Hallucinations with Kit Wallis aka SchizoKitzo

Most people think "hearing voices" would be a nightmare symptom of mental illness, but for some, it feels more like a friendship. In the medical world, hallucinations and delusions are symptoms to be eliminated. But for Kit Wallis, the reality of living with schizoaffective disorder is far more complicated. For years, she shared her life with her delusions, including Orion, a "sassy, funny, and supportive" internal voice who helped her study, hyped her up for exams, and ensured she was never truly alone. In a culture that views psychosis through a lens of fear, Kit saw her symptoms as a lifeline. However, when a life-altering psychotic break required antipsychotic medication, the "recovery" came with a devastating price. As the medication began to work, her voices didn't just fade — they "broke up like a bad phone call." Kit didn't just lose her symptoms; she lost her closest friends. Listeners will take-a-way: Understanding the mourning process Kit experienced when medication worked to eliminate her hallucinations Why the medical community often ignores the "positive" aspects of psychosis Kit’s conflict surrounding wanting the voices back while knowing the importance of treatment In this deeply personal conversation, host Gabe Howard and guest Kit Wallis explore the "hard dialectic" of mental health: the grief of getting well and the complicated mourning process that sometimes follows successful treatment. Listen now! "No one really warns you about losing the good stuff, too … They just think, ‘Oh, psychosis is all bad. We want it all gone.’ But stories like mine aren't really out there very often." ~Kit Wallis aka SchizoKitzo Our guest, Kit Wallis, who goes by SchizoKitzo, is a content creator who advocates for schizoaffective and bipolar disorders. She uses long-form videos on her YouTube channel and short-form content on platforms like TikTok and Instagram. Her content centers around her personal experience with schizoaffective disorder and often includes deep dives into research topics regarding mental health. Kit was diagnosed with the bipolar type of schizoaffective disorder in late 2020 and has struggled with symptoms since she was in middle school. Schizoaffective disorder is a mental health condition where someone experiences symptoms of schizophrenia--such as delusions and hallucinations--but also symptoms of a mood disorder--either major depression or, in Kit's case, bipolar. Realizing there was a lack of schizoaffective advocates, she decided to start her SchizoKitzo project to raise awareness for this complex condition. The mission of SchizoKitzo is to raise awareness of schizoaffective disorder and all of its aspects, from the mood side to the psychotic side. Kit works to bridge the gap between life and science so she can help break the stigma around mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, "Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations," available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. Gabe is also the host of the "Inside Bipolar" podcast with Dr. Nicole Washington. Gabe makes his home in the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio. He lives with his supportive wife, Kendall, and a Miniature Schnauzer dog that he never wanted, but now can’t imagine life without. To book Gabe for your next event or learn more about him, please visit gabehoward.com.