The Vortex of Solitude

Angel was raised by a woman she called the Vortex of Solitude. Someone who could walk into a room, and you could feel the darkness.

She was also, in Angel's words, genuinely funny. Charismatic. Someone Angel loved — the way you love the mother you were given, even when she was the one doing the damage.

Angel's story starts at the very beginning. A car accident when Angel was a year and a half that took her mother's leg and became the foundation of a mythology Angel spent decades trying to fact-check. A childhood of hoarding, drug addiction, pathological lying, and volatility that could flip from fine to catastrophic over a Diet Pepsi. A mother who befriended Angel's friends to preemptively spin the narrative. Who made Angel stay up through the night babysitting her in case she dropped a cigarette in the hoard. Who missed her high school graduation because she didn't clean a house she wasn't allowed to throw anything away in. Who, when sixteen-year-old Angel, exhausted out of her mind at dawn, said, " Mom, your hair is so pretty today — cut off a lock of hair, shoved it in her hand, and told her she'd be dead by morning.

Angel still has the hair.

She talks about what it means to grow up not knowing your own history — because when a narcissist tells your story long enough, even your own memories can't be trusted. She talks about the sexual abuse she reported, and wasn't believed. The DCS call that went nowhere. The first marriage that followed directly from a childhood that taught her she deserved exactly what she got.

And she talks about the moment everything changed. Rocking her six-month-old son in the nursery, looking at this tiny person she was now responsible for, and understanding with complete clarity — if I don't change, the cycle continues.

She walked into that room one person. She walked out different.

Angel is Behk's friend, and this one felt like a long-overdue catch-up session and a masterclass in survival all at once. She processes with humor, tells the truth without apology, and is proof that the survivor gene is absolutely real.

Narcissists, Gaslighters, & Cheaters, Oh My! — real folks, real stories, survival & healing.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of narcissistic abuse, physical and sexual abuse, parental neglect, childhood trauma, substance abuse and addiction, self-harm, suicidal ideation, sexual assault, and intergenerational trauma. Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind, you are not alone. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 for free, confidential support — 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, SAMHSA's National Helpline is free, confidential, and available 24/7: 1-800-662-4357

Behk and LAH are not doctors or therapists. Nothing shared on this podcast should be taken as medical or professional advice.

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Hosts: Behk & LAH

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Production & Design: LAHarden

Music: No Reason Why by Anchor

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