When You're Ashamed of Your Own Feelings

This is the Therapy Is My Cardio episode for May — which means we're not just talking about emotional shame today, we're doing the reps. If last week's episode gave you the clinical foundation (what shame is, where it comes from, and how it hides), this episode is where you put that understanding to work. Jessica walks you through the specific kind of shame that wraps itself around your feelings — the inner voice that calls you too much, too dramatic, too sensitive, or simply not allowed to feel what you feel. It's one of the quietest forms of self-abandonment there is, and today you're going to start unlearning it.

In This Episode:

• What emotional shame actually is — and how it's different from general shame
• How early experiences teach us that certain emotions are "wrong" — and what that does to a child's developing sense of self
• The clinical term for what happens next: emotional self-dismissal, and why it's so hard to recognize in yourself
• Why chronic emotional shame cuts you off from your own emotions as information — and the real consequences that has for your body, relationships, and sense of self
• The Warmup: a simple check-in practice to notice what feeling you've been pushing away before you even start the reps

The Three Reps:

• Rep 1 — Name It: The neuroscience behind why labeling an emotion reduces its intensity, and how to create distance from shame-based thoughts using defusion language ("I am having the thought that...")
• Rep 2 — Reality Check the Story: A CBT-based framework using three questions to slow down the shame spiral and examine whether what you're telling yourself is actually true — or just old conditioning playing on a loop
• Rep 3 — Self-Compassion: The rep people most want to skip, why compassion (not self-criticism) is what actually softens shame, and a short hand-on-heart practice to try right now
• The Cool Down: A simple weekly log practice — no journaling required — to track how often the inner critic is actually showing up, because you can't change a pattern you haven't seen clearly yet

Mentioned or Referenced:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and shame
• Defusion techniques from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• The neuroscience of affect labeling ("name it to tame it")
• Self-compassion as a clinical intervention for shame

Next Week: Jessica heads into the Healing Lab to share personal experiments around self-worth that isn't tied to production or performance. You won't want to miss it.

Connect with Jessica: 📩 Newsletter & blog: healingismyhobby.com 📱 Instagram: instagram.com/healingismyhobby ▶️ YouTube: youtube.com/@healingismyhobby 🩺 Clinical practice: jessicacolarcolcsw.com

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