How to Finally Have the Talk You've Been Avoiding | Jonathan Fields

There is a conversation most of us are carrying right now. Not one we lack words for. We have plenty of those. One we keep finding reasons not to have. Not because we don't know what we'd say, but because we have become very skilled at building the case for staying quiet a little longer.

Jonathan Fields has spent a lot of time in that particular waiting room. This solo episode starts with a story he describes as embarrassing in the specific way only true stories about your own behavior can be embarrassing: a decade-long friendship, a thing said in passing that he never addressed, and the slow drift that followed because he never said it. It's a story many people in midlife will recognize without needing the details changed.

What you'll explore in this episode:

• Why intelligent, emotionally capable people are often the most skilled architects of avoidance, and what that architecture actually looks like from the inside
• The difference between protecting a relationship and protecting yourself from discomfort, and how easy it is to mistake one for the other
• Four distinct types of difficult conversations and why knowing which one you're actually having changes everything about how to begin
• Why the perfect moment to have the conversation you've been postponing doesn't exist, and what to do instead
• How to open a hard conversation without scripting it, performing it, or trying to win it
• A question to carry with you, not answer immediately, that may be the most honest thing in this entire episode

For anyone in midlife who has been living carefully around something true that needs to be said, this one is for you.

Episode Transcript

Next week, we are sitting down with journalist Alexandra Sifferlin to talk about why millions of Americans are living with conditions that doctors simply cannot name, and what that does to a person when the system meant to help you keeps coming up empty. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts so you do not miss any upcoming episodes.

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