28 Jem Estilla: When to Stay and When to Let Go pt.1 💕 😩

In this episode of Integrated Awakenings, we have a special guest Jem Estilla to talk about “When to Stay and When to Let Go” a special episode that explores difficult choices around relationships, and asks when the “hard” relationship is truly toxic, a lesson, or maybe even something transcendent. This podcast covers a wide range of ideas, like uncovering what you’re actually fighting about, our primary relationship to self, shame around being single, and even models of love around queerness, devotion and community.

! we also code-switch in and out of tagalog for this ep with translations

Check out what else we cover:

• our primary relationship with ourselves, responsibility
• relationship cords, retracting energy
• how to choose a relationship that’s not trauma bonding? when we are attracted to generational curses
• learning what your “Love” is like
• being aware of our needs, and other’s the “transaction/exchange” of a relationship
• capitalist trauma around receiving, “deserving something”
• salsa dancing and am i good feminist if i follow well?
• respecting each other’s freedom and responsibility
• honest question: do i want to dance by myself or be in relation?
• going to the core of your hook, what am i actually talking about?
• “i love you, i give up on you”
• What is love: is proximity love? how can space?! be love?
• discerning how to be allied to the totality of the person (beyond the relationship)
• option 3: simmering, timing? letting a situation mature
• femme/masc frequencies paradoxical difference in needs
• healing the patriarchy: integrating both sides, models of spirituality

• being single, how am i this happy?
• women being programmed to have partners
• aro/ace, the real option of no relationship to have a yes
• directionless devotion and love
• “you’re not loving cause you don’t have a partner”
• freeing love: when am i allowed to be “in love”/“falling in love”
• “wholeness”, the comfort of self-patholigizing
• “i feel okay?” = is this demotivation? depression?
• what is “success” relationally, life-wise
• what if we’re worthy now?: can we make creativity from a place of freedom?
• create not from pain? not from neuroticism? what if i run out of spite?
• what if everything is a manifestation of love? everything is your lover? : high
• wisdom/sage path vis a vis lover/drunk
• “its not even malicious” vs when we try to hook/diminish others
• heart chakra, romanticism, how the heart sanctifies
• 100% involvement 0% enmeshment, hookless, checkboxes
• what if i run out of shadow to create from? (examples with comedians etc)

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