How To Agree to Disagree (turning conflict into connection) with Gabrielle Rifkind

I am not a fan of the saying “let’s agree to disagree”, it can be so passive aggressive. But it’s the title of Gabrielle Rifkind’s new book and maybe this pass-agg comment deserves an upgrade.

Regular listeners may remember Gabrielle from a podcast we did four years ago called The Delicate Art of Managing Differences. The world has - sadly - become ever more fractured, which trickles down to our every day relationships so who better to get to help us navigate these schisms than Gabrielle who, as well as being a psychotherapist is the founder and director of The Oxford Process, which is a conflict resolution organisation. She’s also an expert in human conflict, and, as a mediator, often goes into war torn areas to reduce tension between warring parties. She’s worked in the Middle East, Asia and Europe. But as we’ll hear she’s not always great at managing conflict in every day life - as she is human!

In this episode we talk about why you can’t agree with everyone, or - annoyingly - get everyone to agree with you. How to manage tricky family or social situations where you’re with someone with really opposing views.

Why that’s not necessary to be friends with someone, or even particularly like them. I know that sometimes I find myself feeling contaminated even just talking to someone with really opposing views, almost as if I’m complicit simply by listening.

We also discuss how to stop a disagreement turning into an argument. And we look at what’s at the heart of most people’s disagreements and need for harmony.

This episode gave me a lot of food for thought and I hope it provides that for you, too.

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Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

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