Top Half Fish or Bottom Half Fish? Ashley and Jesse Settle the Biggest Little Mermaid Debate

Takeaways

• Ariel's real problem isn't Ursula — it's that she fell in love with the idea of Eric, not Eric himself, and Ashley and Jesse aren't sure she ever truly gets to know him.
• The original Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale ending is genuinely dark: instead of a happily ever after, Ariel faces the choice of killing the prince or dissolving into sea foam. Disney made the right call.
• Peter Pan, not Eric, might actually be Ariel's perfect Disney match — and Ashley and Jesse make a pretty compelling case for it.

Summary of the episode

Hot Disney Summer is officially underway, and Ashley and Jesse are kicking off the season with The Little Mermaid. Between snack debates, personality quizzes, and an extended riff on what life would actually look like if you were top half fish, bottom half human, this episode is a perfect snapshot of why this podcast works: genuine conversation with the movie as the jumping-off point.

The episode opens with Jesse getting a personality test courtesy of Ashley, who determines — through rigorous scientific questioning — that Jesse is a Flounder. He accepts this with surprising grace. From there, the hosts walk through the movie's key beats: Ariel's constant rule-breaking, Sebastian's thankless job as her ward, the Faustian bargain with Ursula, and the iconic kitchen scene with the French chef that both hosts agree is an absolute classic.

The conversation takes a left turn into the original Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale, which Ashley brings up mid-episode. In that version, Ariel doesn't get a happy ending — she gets a knife and a choice: kill the prince or dissolve into sea foam. She chooses sea foam. Ashley's take: the sea foam had integrity. Jesse's take: he would have found a loophole.

They debate Ariel's perfect Disney match at length — cycling through Aladdin (too toxic), the Beast (she'd be trading one overbearing father figure for another), and John Smith (too mission-oriented) before landing on Peter Pan as the obvious answer. Wanderlust, shenanigans, no agenda. It tracks.

The episode closes with the relationship rating: Ashley gives Ariel and Eric a 12 out of 10 — she believes Eric would do everything in his power to make Ariel feel at home on land. Jesse gives them a seven, citing the time pressure, the lack of real conversation, and the sneaking suspicion that Ariel might eventually start kicking pebbles down the street wishing she was back under the sea. Next up: Pocahontas.

Key Topics Covered:

• Jesse's personality type according to Ashley's quiz: a Flounder — down for anything, a good watchdog, not a rule-follower, perpetually floundering
• The original dark Hans Christian Andersen ending: knife, prince, sea foam, and a mermaid with more integrity than most
• The top half fish, bottom half human debate and whether a trench coat and Muay Thai training could make it work on land
• Whether Ariel would actually be happy on shore long-term — Ashley thinks Eric saves her, Jesse thinks she'd miss home
• Ariel's perfect Disney match: why Aladdin would be toxic, why the Beast would just be another King Triton, and why Peter Pan is the obvious answer
• Ursula's perfect Disney match: the Beast — and Jesse makes a compelling case for why it would work in year 20
• Flotsam vs. jetsam, defined correctly on the second try
• The Sebastian crab vs. lobster mixup (Jesse acknowledges this was a moment)
• The dill pickle chip licking incident and why it is or isn't comparable to licking peanut butter off a Nutty Buddy
• Relationship rating: Ashley gives Ariel and Eric 12/10; Jesse gives them a 7