Why Revenge Feels So Good—and Why It Hurts Us

Neuroscience reveals revenge can become a powerful habit—and that forgiveness may be one of the most effective ways to break the cycle.

Summary: After years of bullying led him to almost committing an act of violence, James Kimmel Jr., an assistant clinical professor at the Yale School of Medicine, set out to understand why revenge can be so compelling—and how forgiveness can interrupt that cycle, easing emotional pain and strengthening self-control. On this episode of The Science of Happiness, we explore what science can teach us about healing ourselves and creating a less violent world.

How To Do This Practice:

1. Think of a Grievance: Bring to mind a person or situation that still causes you hurt or resentment.
2. Notice How It Feels: Take a moment to observe any tension, anger, or pain that arises without judging it.
3. Imagine Forgiveness: Without forcing yourself to forgive, simply imagine what it would feel like to let go of the hurt.
4. Notice the Shift: Pay attention to any sense of relief, ease, or softening—even if it's subtle.
5. Return to the Feeling: When the grievance comes back, revisit that imagined sense of forgiveness as a way of caring for yourself.
6. Practice Often: Repeat this exercise whenever resentment resurfaces, allowing forgiveness to become a habit that supports your own healing.

Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.

JAMES KIMMEL JR. is a lawyer, lecturer in psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine, and co-founder and co-director of the Yale Collaborative for Motive Control Studies.

Learn more about James Kimmel Jr. here: https://www.jameskimmeljr.com/

Related Science of Happiness episodes:

Why Compassion Requires Vulnerability: https://tinyurl.com/mrxsad33

Nine Steps to Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/5xwztnsx

The Science of Letting Go: https://tinyurl.com/ykc2uex4

Related Happiness Break episodes:

A Science-Backed Path to Self-Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/2js59anm

A Note to Self on Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/ycymxh3h

A Breathing Technique To Help You Relax: https://tinyurl.com/59y4sf5y

This episode was supported by a generous grant from the Templeton World Charity Foundation as part of a Greater Good Science Center project on "Putting the Science of Forgiveness into Practice."

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Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/4ubmrwyr