216: He Was Terminated Twice and Filed for Divorce. Sober Since May 5, 2018

He was terminated twice. He filed for divorce. He gained 60 pounds and drank on the highs AND the lows. Then May 5, 2018, he walked out of an AA meeting and hasn't touched alcohol since.

Nick Jonsson is a licensed specialized counselor, best-selling author of Executive Loneliness (the book coined a term that now has its own dedicated Wikipedia page), leads one of Asia's largest networks of senior executives, is a TEDx speaker on sleep, and an Ironman triathlete who splits time between Sweden and Asia. He's also the father of a 17-year-old son and a working husband.

In this conversation, Nick and Ted go deep on the drift that destroys high-performing men — the anxious-overachiever wound that made them successful in the first place, the 68% of executives who have nobody to confide in (per Harvard Business Review), the corporate stigma that keeps men silent even when they know better, the KLM Tenerife disaster that shows what fear of speaking up actually costs, and Nick's 5-Step framework from Executive Loneliness for the man ready to come back.

Plus the through-line Nick applies to triathlon, executive coaching, marriage, sleep, and time — the "principles that work in this work in all areas of life" reframe that turned a mediocre triathlete into an Ironman PR-setter and a man 60 pounds lighter with 30 years of marriage ahead of him.

If you're a high-performing man between 25 and 55 with more contacts than you have people to actually call — this one's for you.

Key insights from this episode:

• The anxious-overachiever wound that made you successful (and why healing it doesn't kill your edge)

• Why 68% of senior executives have nobody to confide in — and why 84% won't even tell HR

• Multiple purposes, not one — the "keep steady in the middle" reframe from 12-step recovery

• The KLM Tenerife disaster — what fear of speaking up actually costs

• Nick's 5-Step framework from Executive Loneliness

• Take Stock. Who Can You Talk To. Get Healthy. (Plus what comes next.)

• Sober since May 5, 2018 — the exposure sequence that changed everything

• Sleep half an hour more, break your Ironman PR (Nick's TEDx origin)

• Removing the TV from the bedroom — and other things Nick surrendered

• Own your shit — Nick's final answer, the biggest transformation of his life

Chapters:

00:00 The confession — terminated twice, 60 pounds, drinking on emotions

01:00 Welcome brother — Ted's intro

01:26 What keeps high-performing men isolated?

02:06 The anxious-overachiever wound

03:04 The wound that made you successful (and the fear of healing it)

05:44 Multiple purposes vs. one why

07:20 Keep steady in the middle

08:35 The Harvard 68% stat

09:58 Nick's own survey (30% / 75% / 84%)

11:00 If you break a leg you see a doctor. If you break your emotions, you hide.

11:43 Therapy as maintenance, not crisis

13:21 Stigma, the corporate ladder, and resilience

15:22 Real-world consequences of vulnerability

18:10 The KLM Tenerife disaster

20:19 Chernobyl, night shift, and mistakes made from silence

22:13 Step 1 — Take Stock

23:31 Step 2 — Who Can You Talk To

25:19 The May 5, 2018 exposure sequence (wife, doctor, friend)

27:00 The tribe found — the urge lifted

27:49 The primal fear of rejection 29:14 The three people you'd call at 2 a.m.

30:30 Build safe spaces in the good times

31:32 Being discerning with who you offload to

32:56 The through-line — from recovery to triathlon

34:23 Applying the same principles to everything

35:00 Signing up for a triathlon tribe (coach, cycling club, swim academy, running club)

36:14 The sleep experiment — 30 days of half an hour more

37:00 The TEDx that came from sleeping more

37:34 Ted on the sleep struggle

39:48 Discipline, accountability, and "just keep going"

41:19 The Ironman as a mini-life

41:50 Ted on Hyrox

44:06 How Nick manages time (paid to remove the bedroom TV)

44:45 Say a lot of no. Hit many birds with one stone.

45:30 Cycling with his 17-year-old son

47:09 Where to find Nick and Executive Loneliness

48:36 Own your shit — the biggest transformation

49:53 Outro and Ted's recap

🤝 Connect with Nick Jonsson:

Website: www.nickjonsson.com

Facebook: @jonhannah.berryhill3

Instagram: @jonssonnick

LinkedIn: @nick-jonsson

YouTube: @NickJonsson

Book: Executive Loneliness — Amazon (Kindle, paperback, Audible):

https://www.amazon.com/Executive-Loneliness-Overcoming-Isolation-Depression-ebook/dp/B091B1Y3WZ

Wikipedia page: Executive Loneliness (dedicated page on the term Nick coined): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Executive_Loneliness

TEDx: "Nick Jonsson sleep on TEDx"

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