Lisa Sonni on Breaking Trauma Bonds When You Still Crave the Person Who Hurt You

In this episode of The Gaslight Effect Podcast, Dr. Robin Stern welcomes Lisa Sonni, author of Coming Back to Yourself: How to Rebuild Identity and Self-Trust After an Abusive Relationship, trauma bond recovery coach, and one of the most recognized voices in the conversation around abusive relationships, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and trauma bonds.

Lisa shares how her own experience in a decade-long abusive relationship led her to understand the powerful and confusing pull of a trauma bond. She explains why trauma bonding is not two people bonding over shared pain, but an unhealthy attachment formed through cycles of cruelty and intermittent kindness. Together, Robin and Lisa explore how this dynamic creates confusion, cognitive dissonance, self-doubt, and a deep craving for relief that can make leaving feel nearly impossible.

Robin and Lisa also discuss the overlap between trauma bonding and gaslighting, including how abusers use tactics like DARVO, blame-shifting, and emotional manipulation to pull survivors into their version of reality. Lisa explains why education is often the first step toward healing, but why true recovery requires turning the focus back toward yourself: your feelings, your needs, your reality, and your right to safety.

To check out this and other episodes, head over to robinstern.com.

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Dr. Robin Stern's Books:

The Gaslight Effect

The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide

Emotional Intelligence for School Leaders

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