From Validation-Seeking to Self-Trust

Seeking validation isn’t just about chasing likes. It’s the part of us that needs approval, wants to belong, and feel accepted. But does it come at a cost?

In this episode, we unpack the subtle ways validation-seeking still shows up in our everyday lives, especially as gay men who learned early to scan, adapt, perform, and manage how we’re perceived. We talk about the difference between healthy feedback and outsourcing your self-worth, and what it actually looks like to build self-trust in real life.

In this episode, we discuss:

What validation-seeking actually looks like
The difference between caring what people think and letting their opinion become a verdict on your worth
Why self-trust requires tolerating discomfort, disappointment, and disapproval
How we’re each still learning to come back to ourselves in more honest, grounded ways

Self-trust doesn’t mean you stop caring what people think- it means their reaction no longer gets to decide who you are.

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel
Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men
Reno Johnston

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Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
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Chapters

(00:00:00) - Coming Home To Yourself
(00:01:56) - Why Do Gay Men Seek Validation?
(00:03:43) - What Does Validation Seeking Actually Look Like?
(00:05:51) - What Does It Look Like to Be Overcomfortable?
(00:07:20) - Michael Buble on Being Validated
(00:07:57) - Michael Says He Feels Good About Himself
(00:08:45) - Validation Seeking and How It Affects Your Life
(00:13:53) - How to Stop Seeking External Validation
(00:18:10) - What does validation seeking look like in your life?
(00:18:35) - Why Is Self-Trust So Difficult For Gay People?
(00:23:26) - "People Plead"
(00:27:58) - What Makes Self Trust So Difficult?
(00:31:43) - The Importance Of Identity
(00:33:28) - Self-Trust Coaching
(00:34:08) - Michael on Coming Home To Himself
(00:35:38) - What Would I Do If I Wasn't Trying To Be Like
(00:39:35) - Coming Home to Yourself
(00:43:20) - Getting Back Home to Yourself
(00:46:26) - Why I Don't Need To Explain My Time
(00:48:06) - Coming Back Home To Yourself

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