How to Disagree With Your Kids Without Fighting

Do you know how to disagree with your kid without a fight breaking out? Most of us have been told that the fix for a bad disagreement is more empathy — really try to see it from their side. But Julia Minson, negotiation researcher at Harvard's Kennedy School, joins Dr. Aliza Pressman to share what her experimental research actually shows: telling someone to "try harder to empathize" barely changes the outcome of a conflict. Instead, Julia and Aliza dig into why disagreement has gotten so much more fraught in families, what really makes someone feel heard, and a concrete, teachable framework for disagreeing with your kids, your partner, or anyone else without torching the relationship. What you’ll learn: Why "try to see it from their perspective" doesn't actually work, according to the research "Listening with your words": the specific language that proves you're actually paying attention The "curiosity sandwich" — a script for disagreeing without abandoning your own point of view Argue, don't fight: how to model constructive disagreement in front of your kids The HEAR framework: hedge, emphasize agreement, acknowledge, and reframe to the positive 🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS: 📖 Buy Julia Minson's book, How to Disagree Better https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/774525/how-to-disagree-better-by-julia-minson/ 📱 Follow Raising Good Humans Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggoodhumanspodcast/ 📧 Follow Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman on Substack: https://dralizapressman.substack.com/ 🎙️ Follow Raising Good Humans Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/raising-good-humans/id1473072044 📖Order "The 5 Principles of Parenting" by Dr. Aliza Pressman: https://www.amazon.com/Principles-Parenting-Essential-Raising-Humans/dp/166801453X This episode is brought to you by: Great Wolf Lodge: With 22 lodges across the country, you’re always only a short drive away from adventure. Learn more at GreatWolf.com and strengthen the pack. Boar’s Head: For lunchtime inspiration visit: boarshead.com/backtoschool. For Boar’s Head, head to your local deli counter. Kodiak: Feel good about snack choices with Kodiak Bars. Find them at kodiakcakes.com or your local grocery store. They’re the ones with the bear on the box. BetterHelp: See the reviews, see what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit Betterhelp.com/humans. OneSkin: Born from over 10 years of longevity research, OneSkin is helping you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code RGH at oneskin.co/RGH. Tell them we sent you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices