How to Build Lasting Habits Without Shame or All-or-Nothing Thinking with Monica Packer of About Progress (Part 1)

In Part 1 of this conversation, Elena sits down with Monica Packer, author of Sticky Habits, to talk about sustainable habits for women, perfectionism, invisible labor, and why all-or-nothing thinking keeps so many of us stuck.

If you have read habit books, made a fresh-start plan, tried to overhaul your routine, and then blamed yourself when it did not last, this episode is for you. Monica shares a shame-free, flexible approach to habit formation that accounts for real life: unpredictable schedules, caregiving, limited energy, changing seasons, anxiety, and the mental load so many women carry.

Together, Elena and Monica explore why habits should not be designed only for your best days. They should support you on your hard days, too.

Monica's central reframe is simple and powerful: habits are helpers. Their job is not to prove your discipline, worth, or productivity. Their job is to support you in feeling more like yourself.

In this episode:

Why traditional habit advice can leave women feeling like the problem

The hidden pressure behind "just be more disciplined" messaging

Why women's lives often include more invisible labor, interruptions, unpredictability, and energy demands

How perfectionism creates an all-or-nothing habit cycle

Why "doing nothing" can be another expression of perfectionism

The difference between habit intensity and sustainable consistency

Why small wins—such as one sentence in a journal or 10 minutes of movement—count

How to choose a meaningful personal "why" for a habit

Why habits can be a foundational form of self-care

Why willpower is not a personality trait—and is often better understood as available energy

How to build habits that support your real season of life

Memorable quotes:

"Habits shouldn't be designed to be possible only on your best days. They should be designed to support you on your worst days."

"Habits are helpers. Their only job is to support us—to help us feel like ourselves."

"You want sustainability far more than you do intensity, especially in the beginning."

"The process to dramatic change is actually small wins building over time."

"It's not a willpower problem. It's an energy problem."

A note from Elena:

This conversation resonated deeply with my work in Kind Organizing. When an organizing system—or a habit system—does not work in your real life, the answer is not more shame or trying harder. The answer is a kinder, more flexible system that supports your actual capacity.

You do not need routines, habits, or a home that demand you become someone else. You deserve support that meets you in the life and season you already have.

Connect with Monica

Monica's book: Sticky Habits

Monica's website: About Progress

Follow Monica on Instagram: @aboutprogress

Next episode:

Come back for Part 2 of Elena's conversation with Monica Packer, where they continue exploring compassionate habit-building, perfectionism, self-care, and practical ways to create change that can actually last.

If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend who is tired of starting over, and I'd be honored if you'd leave a rating or review! xo, E