276. "I resent carrying our finances. Can we fix this?"

Ramit unpacks how resentment, unequal workloads, and conflicting ideas about money can push a marriage to breaking point, even when the numbers suggest a couple should be doing well. Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich speaks with Lauren and Robert, a married couple who have spent years building resentment around work, spending, and who carries the financial load. Lauren works three jobs, often 55–60 hours a week, while managing most of their finances. Robert, a retired Navy veteran who once believed retirement meant he wouldn’t need to work again, has recently returned to work. On paper, they’re doing better than they think, but they have just $24,000 in savings, around $70,000 in debt, fixed costs at 81%, and almost nothing currently being directed toward savings or investments. Along the way, a $700,000 inheritance, a $40,000 pool scam, a $3,200 bounce house, and a $150,000 pool became major sources of conflict. Lauren believes Robert needs to earn more. Robert feels like his opinion often doesn’t matter because Lauren earns more. But Ramit quickly discovers that more income isn’t going to solve what’s happening between them. Their resentment has reached the point where they’ve talked about divorce. To move forward, they’ll need to stop keeping score, create a shared vision for their money, and learn how to operate as a team. A special thanks to DeleteMe for sponsoring this episode. Get 20% off all consumer plans when you go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit and use promo code RAMIT at checkout. In this episode, we uncover: Why Lauren feels like she’s been carrying the financial weight for years Why Robert believed retirement meant he wouldn’t need to work again How a $700,000 inheritance shaped the life they built together Why a second $150,000 pool became a major source of conflict Why Robert feels like saying “no” rarely changes the outcome Why Lauren struggles to say no to herself and their children Why Ramit tells them Robert earning more money won’t fix the real problem Why they earn more than they realized but still barely save or invest How Robert’s childhood shaped his views on work, scarcity, and spending How Ramit helps them rebuild their financial system around partnership Whether Lauren and Robert can stop keeping score and start acting like a team Chapters: (00:00:00) Introduction (00:05:09) Lauren receives a $700,000 inheritance (00:19:00) When the resentment started building (00:31:59) Ramit reviews their financial numbers (00:37:06) Why they’re barely saving or investing (00:50:40) Lauren has been managing the money alone (00:56:31) They’ve never created a shared financial vision (01:03:41) Ramit changes how they talk about money (01:24:39) What their retirement could actually look like (01:27:21) Rebuilding their Conscious Spending Plan (01:35:26) Lauren and Robert’s follow-up This episode is brought to you by: Granola | Try Granola totally free at https://granola.ai/RAMIT. Notion | Learn more about how Notion can support your business, at https://notion.com/ramit Gusto | Try Gusto at http://gusto.com/ramit and get 3 months free when you run your first payroll LMNT | Get a free LMNT Sample Pack with any order at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT If you’re ready to stop putting off your money goals, Road to $100K gives you a step-by-step plan to reach your first $100,000, focus on what matters, and accelerate your timeline while building your Rich Life. Join Road to $100K at https://iwt.com/100K Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Join my Rich Life: Road to $100K program • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube Apply to be coached for free on this podcast at https://iwt.com/apply