Why Birthdays, Mother's Day & Weekends Can Feel So Disappointing

Why do birthdays, Mother's Day, weekends, or other special occasions leave you feeling so disappointed or resentful? Even when you were really looking forward to them?

In this episode, Kristen talks with Calm AF client Courtney who LOVES birthdays. Hers, yours, everyones.

But for years, Courtney's birthdays came with big expectations and, often, big disappointment. As she and Kristen talk, they realize that her birthday had unknowingly become a pressure filled day: because it was the only day of the year that she was allowed to be special.

She shares with us what changed last year when she stopped waiting for other people to read her mind, make her feel special, or create the perfect day for her and started deciding for herself how she wanted to feel.

You'll hear how Courtney went from feeling disappointed by birthdays to having her best birthday ever, simply by choosing how she wanted to feel and making plans that supported those feelings.

Kristen and Courtney talk about:

• Why birthdays, Mother's Day, weekends, and special occasions can carry so much emotional pressure
• What happens when we make other people responsible for making a day feel special
• The connection between disappointment, expectations, and wanting to feel seen
• How to stop waiting for people to read your mind
• Choosing how you want to feel before deciding what a "good" day should look like
• Celebrating yourself without needing someone else to do it first
• Why buying yourself the flowers, skipping the PTA meeting, or asking for the cake you actually want can be a much bigger deal than it sounds

Because the real shift isn't learning how to plan a better birthday.

It's realizing you don't have to wait for a birthday—or Mother's Day, or the weekend, or anyone else's permission—to feel seen, cared for, and fully yourself.

The Calm AF Community is opening its doors September 23–25. Courtney is joining us as our Community Hostess with the Mostest, and if you want to see what this work and community actually feel like from the inside, join the interest list below.

👉 Join the Calm AF Community interest list

More resources → QUIZ: Find your nervous system pattern

Every nervous system gets stuck in a specific pattern — tired-wired-hypervigilant is one; there are two others. Knowing yours changes everything. Take the 3-minute quiz: Which Nervous System Dysregulation Pattern is Keeping You Stuck?

→ Private Coaching

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→ Daily reminders: Start your day regulated

The Daily Recalibration sends quick, to the point love letters straight to your inbox every morning to help your nervous system stop defaulting to people pleasing, overfunctioning, and self abandonment. Get the Daily Recalibration

→ Listen When...

A short audio to listen to in the moment, when you're lying there spinning — me in your ear, talking to your body, walking you back down. Save it now while you're calm: Listen When You're In A Thought Spinout

→ Full transcript

Read the episode and get the tools from this episode: Ep 373 Why Birthdays, Mothers Day & Weekends Can Feel So Disappointing