Episode 4: The impacts of abuse for women

We want to thank you for joining us for this heavy, but essential, conversation. Be gentle with yourself as you listen; grab your coffee or tea and give yourself the space and time you need.

Historically, everyone — from services to courts to friends — has focused on what he did. "Did he kick? Did he choke? Was it bad enough to count as abuse?" Can she prove it? But this focus on his behaviour completely fails to describe the devastating impact their behaviour has on their partner's while ignoring or minimizing the woman’s experiences.. In this episode, we center the impact of his abuse on her. Focusing on impacts shifts focus from ‘What is wrong with her’: to “What has happened to her?”

In this episode,we explore the deep and wide-ranging ways men’s abuse impacts women — regardless of what specific tactics of abuse he uses.

Men’s abuse has so many impacts. Broadly, it systematically strips away a woman’s autonomy, affecting everything – how you live, how you parent, who you have friendships with, who you can see, how you express yourself, etc..

Abusive men create a constant, terrifying and unpredictable reality — like walking through a landmine, where any step could trigger an explosion. A woman can't focus on herself because she is entirely focused on minimizing harm to her and her children. Looking at impacts helps women identify how the fear has affected them.

Abuse also impacts your physical and mental health. Women experience migraines, body pain, insomnia, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, weight changes, frequent infections, reproductive coercion and so much more.

Resources and next steps

• Read the entire show notes
• Alison Epp, counselling
• Jo Neill, counselling
• The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading.
• 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources.