S5:E33 - Merry, Sullivan & Sinclair

She does both, and solo is easier.

Merryn grew up thinking life would look a certain way. Her parents together, her aunties and uncles together, everyone partnered, everyone staying. She figured the same would happen for her. She spent her 20s travelling Europe, living in Perth, playing football, nursing, having classic terrible dating stories. She moved back to Victoria at 30, booked a fertility check just to see where things stood, and met someone through a friend from work.

She thought she’d finally got it right.

Two weeks after her son Sully was born, her best friend took her for a walk and told her she’d been contacted by the ex. It turned out Merryn’s partner had been regularly visiting his ex-girlfriend during night shifts and coming home to her while she was pregnant. She kicked him out. She tried to make it work for Sully’s sake. She eventually couldn’t.

By the time Sully was 18 months, Merryn had gone back to the fertility clinic. She did two IUIs that didn’t work, then IVF — 22 eggs at 36 and a half, eight embryos. First frozen transfer. Positive.

What followed was a pregnancy that started beautifully and got complicated — placenta previa diagnosed at 20 weeks, a bleed at 25 weeks, waters breaking at 33 weeks, and then at 36 weeks an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic for a placental abruption. Sinclair came out at 2.4 kilograms. Merryn’s best friend was in the waiting room because they couldn’t have a support person under general anaesthetic. Sinclair spent three days in NICU, Merryn got a hotel near the hospital so she could feed him every four hours, and they went home.

He is now 19 months old, platinum blonde, cheeky, a watcher, doesn’t talk much but is doing things the whole time. The Dennis the Menace of the family.

Merryn is now 20 weeks pregnant with a girl — same donor, same clinic, first transfer again. Sully is six and has strong opinions about gender reveals. Sinclair has no idea what’s coming and is currently learning not to hit babies.

And two months ago, Merryn moved into a duplex she built next door to another solo mum. Shared backyard, no fence, kids running free, baby monitor working across the wall, dropping each other’s kids at school, nipping to the shops while the other one watches them. Six weeks in and she says it’s already a game changer.

She also does both — co-parenting Sully with his dad, and raising Sinclair and her daughter on her own. And she says, unprompted and clearly: solo is easier.

In this episode:

• Travelling, nursing, Perth, football — and a decade of dating that never led anywhere serious

• Getting a fertility check at 31 out of curiosity — not yet ready to go solo

• Meeting someone through a colleague, getting accidentally pregnant with Sully at 32, and thinking she’d finally got her life plan back on track

• Finding out two weeks postpartum that her partner had been sleeping with his ex throughout the pregnancy

• Staying civil for Sully’s sake and the strength that took — then finding her feet as a solo mum

• Going back to the clinic when Sully was 18 months old: two failed IUIs, then IVF at 36 with Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility

• 22 eggs, 8 embryos, a first frozen transfer that worked

• Placenta previa at 20 weeks, a bleed at 25 weeks, waters breaking at 33 weeks and then an emergency caesarean with general anaesthetic at 36+4

• Her best friend waiting outside the theatre — and getting Sinclair’s first cuddle because Merryn couldn’t

• Three days in NICU, a hotel near the hospital, and coming home

• Sinclair at 19 months: platinum blonde, a watcher, the Dennis the Menace stage

• Telling Sully about donor conception — “you’ve got a dad, this one’s got a donor” — and him accepting it completely because his best friend’s family looks similar

• Going back for number three — same donor, same clinic, first transfer, 20 weeks pregnant with a girl

• What it’s actually like to do both — co-parenting Sully and solo-parenting the younger two

• Building a duplex next to another solo mum and what six weeks in actually looks like

• Shift work as a solo mum — getting government approval for in-home care overnight\

• What she’d say to any woman who has a child from a previous relationship and wants more

Key Takeaways

• If you already have a child from a previous relationship and want more — solo is a viable, genuinely easier path than co-parenting again

• Solo motherhood and co-parenting can coexist in one family — it is hard, but it’s doable and women do it

• The complexities of being a solo mum almost always come from the co-parenting side, not the parenting itself

• Building your living situation intentionally — even a duplex next door to another solo mum — is a legitimate, practical, brilliant idea

• Shift workers who are single parents are entitled to government-subsidised in-home care — it exists, it just takes paperwork

• Get the process started before you’re sure — Merryn was dating while she was on the donor registry and that’s completely fine

• Start before 35 if you can — not because it’s impossible after, but because every year matters

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

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