During Insomnia, I Didn't Want Anyone to See Me Suffering

For most of my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it was.

We don’t want to be seen as weak. We prefer to appear tough. I was like that. But deep down, I was suffering, and it was hard.

And I see the same thing in a lot of my clients. Especially the ones who have always pushed themselves. They’re used to being strong, getting things done, and meeting high expectations.

Then insomnia shows up, and suddenly they can barely function.

Why this hits people who push themselves the hardest

When you’re used to solving every problem by trying harder, insomnia feels like a personal failure.

You’ve done everything right. You tried the pills, the supplements, the routines, maybe even CBT-i. And you still can’t sleep. So the voice in your head says you must be weak.

On top of that, you don’t feel like yourself anymore. You’re low energy, you’re not productive, you don’t feel like you used to. All of that hits how you see yourself, and that’s completely normal during insomnia.

But there’s nothing weak about it. Some of the most driven people I’ve coached had insomnia for years, and they recovered.

Here’s the problem with that voice.

Every time you call yourself weak at 2 am, your brain reads that as danger. And danger is exactly what keeps the alarm in your brain switched on.

That alarm is the whole reason you can’t sleep. So the harder you are on yourself, the harder it gets for the alarm to switch off.

A sentence that calms the alarm

Here’s a simple practice you can do anytime, day or night.

First, think of something that’s been bothering you. Your sleep, or anything else.

Then find where you feel it in your body. Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach. A heavy chest. Tense muscles. Just notice where it is.

Keep your attention there, and say a few kind words to yourself. Something like:

“I feel awful right now. That is okay. It will pass.”

Or:

“This is really hard. I’m here for you."

That’s it. You’re not trying to fix anything. You’re not trying to make the feeling go away. You’re just being there for yourself, the same way you would be for someone you love.

It might feel weird at first. That’s normal. The more you practice, the more natural it gets.

Being kind doesn’t mean going soft

A lot of driven people worry that if theyre kind to themselves, they’ll get lazy. That they’ll lose the discipline that made them successful.

You won’t. You can be kind to yourself and still hold yourself accountable. You can still push toward your goals. You can still stick to your sleep window and wake up at the same time every day.

The only difference is that you stop beating yourself up when things are hard.

And that difference matters a lot for your sleep. Because a brain that feels under threat stays on guard. And a brain on guard keeps the alarm on all night.

When you meet your worst nights with care instead of blame, your brain starts to feel safe again. That’s when the alarm starts to settle down. And when the alarm settles down, sleep comes back on its own.

Your practice this week

Every time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, stop for a second.

Find where you feel it in your body. Put your attention there. And say, “I feel awful right now. That is okay. It will pass.”

Do it every time, even when it feels weird. That’s how you teach the alarm in your brain that it doesn’t need to protect you from yourself.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund 👇

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To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.